Mine From the Start
by CryDon'tSmile
Summary: (DISCONTINUED) Allen Walker- who's actually a girl- always pretends to be a boy, so the Order doesn't treat her differently. But what happens when your enemy, the Noah of Pleasure, finds out your secret? What happens when your enemy, the Noah of Pleasure, shatters every piece of you and leaves your life in shambles? Fem!Allen, Poker Pair, Dark Story, Timeline Changes
1. Chapter 1: Secrets Discovered

**Hey guys. I haven't done some of my stories in a little while, and here's why! That's right, I decided to do a Fem!Allen. It's also Poker Pair, kinda. More a one-sided type thing... This story is also kinda dark, so... Yah... **

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_**Mine From the Start**_

_**Chapter 1: Secrets Discovered**_

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Allen glared at the Noah before her as she stumbled, struggling to keep her balance on the uneven and grassy ground, leaves that had fallen from the large lush trees stirring and rustling under her boot-clad feet. She had pushed her innocence past its limits fighting multiple Akuma that had just dissolved from the air and into existence, and consequently she couldn't find any way invoke it, no matter how hard she tried and begged it to be one with her and help her out. After all, she was the one who carried it, bore it within her arm; it was the least it could do. She mentally willed it to respond to her calls, for the green gem on top of her hand to flash and light with power that would give her the ability to defeat the vile abomination before her, but still nothing happened. She barked orders at her arm within her spinning mind frame, which was becoming overtaken by panic she was keeping a very fragile hold on as still there was no reaction, nothing to pull her through the situation she was wedged into and couldn't claw her way out of.

Tyki watched the girl stumble over a slight dint in the ground that wasn't enough for anyone who was alert to stumble over, but easy for the snowy-haired Exorcist to considering she was exhausted and it was due time that he eliminated her. Although, the Noah wasn't completely in on the whole loop, he didn't know about everything about what was around him like he so believed. Especially not Allen Walker. As matter of fact, he was completely oblivious to that the fact she _was_ a girl. Almost nobody knew her secret, as she kept it very well and had an impeccable poker-face. A lot of effort went into her façade, fooling everyone into thinking she was someone she wasn't, someone of the complete opposite _gender. _A lot of time and effort went into it, but Allen was stubborn and very well organized- she could easily accomplish fooling everyone around her. She'd been doing it her entire life.

"Something wrong, shounen?" Tyki smirked as her eyes flashed with determination, the grey lit up a bright silver that rivalled that off the stars and moon above that were concealed by a darkened green that gave the whole area an eerie shroud of shadowing, darkening everything it could lay it's greedy hands on, obliterating what little light there was piece by piece. Dappled shadows fell across her face and illuminated the parts it didn't cover, giving her a ghostly appearance all in all with pale skin and white hair that looked grey under the fading light; well, other than the realization that she was shrouded in black, the black of an Exorcist's uniform. "You seem to be having a little trouble." He'd fought Allen Walker many times before, and never had he seen the white-haired Exorcist look so _weak_. Honestly, it was almost pitiful- maybe it would be better to put the fifteen year old out of her misery. What was he thinking? It was always a good idea to kill the Exorcist. It was the thing he'd imagined for such a long time… So much blood, coating that pale skin… He didn't even understand why she fought in this state, but if he'd learned anything, it was that Allen was optimistic to the end, and brave. Foolishly so.

"I'm… fine," Allen hissed, more to herself than anyone, regaining her footing with some effort, legs shaking as she locked them into place to keep from falling down. Dammit, where was Lavi? She needed him right now… And she could only hope he hadn't been hurt. "I won't let you take it, Tyki Mikk… The innocence…" She would not give up that easily, and would not let the Noah win this battle. She could get out of this, surely… Right? No, she couldn't have any doubts. She could get out of this alive, and if Lavi decided it might be nice to help her out rather than have whatever tea-party he was in the middle of then they would have a higher chance of ridding themselves of this Noah, hopefully for a long time. She had to get her hands on the innocence before he did.

Tyki's eyes narrowed as the petite exorcist stood tall, chin up. Really, such a bother… If the exorcists- all of them- would just let him take the innocence, then everything would be so much easier. He'd have another piece, the exorcists would be dead, hopefully as Allen Walker would be soon. Though… strangely, he had grown fond of the exorcist, eagerly awaiting the next time the two of them would fight. "I'll kill you in seconds, boy." His gold eyes flashed dangerously as Allen finally activated her innocence-although only weakly- and attacked him without hesitation, a stupid move on her part because of her weak state.

Tyki quickly pinned her to the ground, taking her down easily due to the little strength and fight she had left in her body, grabbing her left wrist in a crushing grip as soon as her innocence un-invoked, preventing it from being activated again. His grip tightened to the point where Allen whimpered slightly at the pain shooting up her left arm and the thought of losing it, but quickly covered the sound with a harsh exhale that wasn't intentional as her back hit the ground. She glared up at him, eyes darkening to a flat grey, revealing her anger. "Get off of me!"

Tyki smirked down at her, eyes narrowed. A black butterfly merged from him palm and fluttered at his fingertips with a much darker intent than it looked, causing Allen's eyes to widen in horror, becoming huge and fearful in her small, shadowed face. Tyki smirked in return, chuckling. So she remembered his Tease, his beautiful black butterflies… And what they could do to a person. "Maybe I should plant a Tease in your body… I need a few more, and they need a breeding ground…"

Allen didn't respond, unsure of what to say. She wouldn't really be killed here, she couldn't be. She hadn't done enough yet, she hadn't played her part in this war properly. She… She could still help! Sure, she was going to die in six more years, but she'd rather be alive for those six. Instead of showing her fear she just narrowed her eyes in return, trying to push the Noah off. Though it wasn't an easy task with him being much bigger and stronger than her, especially when her innocence could not respond to her calls.

Tyki sighed. Honestly, did Allen ever just _give up_. It was ridiculous. Exorcists, especially this exorcist, did not seem to realize when someone had already won the fight. If he could just plant the Tease in the body, leave them to breed, come back later and kill Allen with a simple call… It'd be much better that way, much easier for the both of them. Yes, it'd be more painful for Allen, but that wasn't Tyki's problem at all. After all, it was his job to kill the Exorcists and follow the Earl's orders, simple as that.

Allen finally ceased her struggle and lay perfectly still, chest heaving as she pulled in air to regain energy for no reason other than instinct. She knew the fight wasn't worth it, that she hadn't won this battle, and the Noah obviously had the upper hand over the whole situation. She was going to die anyway, but… even if she was dead, not all hope was lost. Her friends were still around, they… they could still continue on. She remained motionless as Tyki reached down with a wicked smile, Tease fluttering on his fingertips. "I hope you die _suffering." _

Tyki's gold eyes narrowed curiously as his hand sank through Allen's undone coat, vest and shirt, his fingertips brushing against a soft fabric wrapped around her chest. It couldn't be… He pulled back his hand quickly, disabling his Tease from sinking into or biting at the flesh beneath the clothes, lips twitched into a half-smirk and head tilted to the side.

Allen's mercury eyes widened as the Noah's narrowed, confusion swimming in the haunting gold, giving away his emotions to her. In just a few seconds she had figured out what she hoped hadn't happened, the answer to why he was so confused. He had felt… No… He couldn't have felt it… He couldn't know… Not a _Noah._

After a moment of shock Tyki knew it was binding around Allen's chest, and a smirk played on his dark lips at his discovery, feeling rather proud of himself for what he had just found out. "What do we have here, _boy?_ Is that…" Tyki quickly ripped away the front of Allen's white shirt, the coat having already been undone earlier in the fight. Just as Tyki thought, the _girl's _chest was bound tightly, giving away her secret in the best way possible. How… How had he not figured this out earlier? It just seemed so _obvious _now that he _knew. _

Allen rolled her silver eyes, wishing she could slap or punch the Noah above her, which she would've if she hadn't have been trapped the way she was. Why did _he _have to be the one who found out? She would've rather it been Lavi, or Road… No, not Road. She wouldn't have the ability to stand being dressed up as a girl by the Noah of Dreams… and then probably made into a doll like Lenalee had once been, and then tortured; maybe even killed. She wouldn't like that at all. "So you get it now?" Allen grumbled. "And to think I kept it hidden for so long… Only for _you _to find out."

Tyki squeezed the girl's left arm violently, bringing it to a painful breaking point, a warning that told her to be a good girl and stay quiet while he processed this information. "Huh, I really should've noticed. The way you hold yourself, the way you look, the way you talk… It all makes you more feminine. And now it makes so much sense…"

"Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I can't fight!" Allen twisted her left hand, trying to pull it away from the Noah, trying to throw him off to get away. She had to get back to Lavi and get _away _from this Noah, _immediately. _

"I agree with you there, girl." Tyki smirked down at her while studying her small shoulders, gold eyes flowing over her smooth and pale skin. "I've had many a battle with you, and you do fight well. Though I almost feel bad, having been beating up a girl this whole time." He realized with a start that she was right, she had made a very good point and he was only beginning to prove it. He was beginning to judge and determine her ability to fight as a girl, and his own ability to fight her now knowing she was a girl. He quickly continued, taking his mind off the subject, scolding himself about even doubting he could kill a female exorcist. "Tell me, why do you pretend to be a boy?"

"So they don't treat me differently!" Allen snapped, twisting her hand again, trying desperately to get away from the Noah. _Lavi! _She screamed mentally, begging for her friend to turn up, to help her. Who cared if he found out, there was a large possibility this could end up a life-or-death situation. "They treat Lenalee differently, just because she's a girl!"

"Ah, I really should've killed you earlier," Tyki sighed, able to see the panic in Allen's silvery-blue eyes, knowing she thought there was a chance he would kill her. Maybe it would be fun to throw more fuel on the fire, give her a real reason to panic, bring her to near-death… Sadism was in his nature, after all. "Then we wouldn't have to be wasting our time with this conversation." Truthfully, he believed the conversation wasn't a _complete_ waste of time. Sure, there were things he could be doing, things more interesting and _bloody_ than this. He _had_ found out some precious information though, and was enjoying the way her body felt trapped underneath him.

"You're so right," Allen retorted sarcastically. "Because you haven't come up with some stupid excuse to not kill me every other time." Allen thought about that for a moment. Every time they had met, he had found some way to avoid killing her. But… why? They were at war, they were trying to kill each other, to make the other cease of life. So what reason could he _possibly _have to not kill her?

Tyki stood, pulling the girl up with him, still not releasing her arm. He easily pulled her against his broader body, holding her tightly against him while at the same time managing to pull her coat off of her frame and discard it. "You should've told me that you were a girl earlier." His hand came to rest on the smooth, warm skin of her shoulder, his touch experimental and curious and his mind contemplating if the skin was smoother than it looked. He almost expected her to be cold; she was that white and had skin that looked like it should be made of marble.

Allen tried to push away, growling, silver eyes flashing dangerously with rage. "Tell _you? _I'd rather _die!" _If this had gone differently, the Noah would never have known, and she could've kept her secret. But no, he had to find out; her _enemy _had to be the person to find out. She was betting that soon the Earl would know, then the other members of the Noah Clan would know, and then her comrades would find out and lose all trust in her.

But… if that happened… _Where would she go?_

"Obviously." Tyki's fingertips trailed across her shoulder, his experimental and curious touch turning into more of a caress, and even as he tried to stop he found he couldn't stop brushing his hand over her warm skin. He enjoyed having her against him, having the ability to touch her in such a way, make it almost feel like she was his. He leant down, lips brushing against her ear as he spoke gently, a threat underlying his words. "Why else would you have fought me while pretending to be a boy?"

Allen shuddered at the feeling of the Noah's calloused fingertips dragging almost affectionately across her shoulder, his lips at her ear, cringing away in disgust and hate. He was touching her in a way that wasn't threatening… it was _wrong. Terribly, terribly wrong. _Why was he doing this? Why wasn't he stopping? It unnerved her, disgusted her, and maybe that's why he did it, for those exact reasons, but either way he had to cut out the stupid behaviour. "Stop that. Stop touching me."

Tyki chuckled but still drew his hand away, letting it waver in the air, making her stand on edge, muscles tense as though she would have to jump away or run at any second. He then put space between himself and the girl, releasing her left hand and resting his hand on her head, smiling down at her. "You should be dead. But I've left you alive so many times… Maybe I _should_ kill you."

Allen spread her arms, an open target, leaving her completely open to any kind of death or torture, quick or slow. "Oh, go ahead." She wasn't stupid in any way at all. She _knew _he wouldn't kill her. Not after finding out information as precious as this. He wouldn't kill her without first experimenting, using her and finding any advantage that came along with this discovery. He wouldn't let this rest without toying with her first, the sadistic _bastard_.

Tyki sighed, standing up straight and taking his hand off the girl's head, letting the short strands of hair slip through his fingers. Road's chequered door rose behind him, and Allen had to supress the grin that threatened to rise to her lips as it was confirmed that she was right. He wasn't going to kill her, not this time anyway. She wasn't going to die yet.

Tyki turned to the door, looking at her over his shoulder, taking in how she looked as a girl so the image was forever seared into his mind for him to bring back up. "I'd much rather leave you alive, just a little longer. Our battles will be much better, now I know your secret. Oh, and also… you might want to put something on. Wouldn't want your friends seeing you like that, now would you, Allen?" He hesitated for just a second, eyes running the full length of her body once again before he walked through the door, calling out to her on his way. "Until next time, girl."

Allen comprehended the words that had left his mouth as soon as the doors disappeared; fading away once he closed them. '_Wouldn't want your friends seeing you like that, would you?'_ Her liquid silver eyes widened and she snatched up her back and silver coat as she heard Lavi's voice echoing through the trees, growing closer with every moment that passed, and she quickly passed the sleeves over her arms and pulled it onto her body. She had just finished buttoning it, in record time, when Lavi ran through the trees and burst into the same area she was standing in, running up to her and looking panicked.

"Allen! Are you okay? Where's Tyki Mikk?" Lavi not only looked but_ sounded _panicked as he glanced around, looking for the Noah that had been with her moments earlier, the very Noah who had just discovered her secret without even trying. His eye narrowed in confusion as he couldn't find him in the area and his gaze turned to Allen warily, eyebrow rising.

"Gone," Allen assured, pulling the edges of her coat so it was tighter around her body, giving her the feeling she was better protected from anything bad that could possibly happen. "He left just a moment ago. It's okay."

Lavi sighed, fully relaxing, the panic fleeing from his emerald eye as his shoulders dropped from their tense position. He smiled at Allen, going from his serious tone to a happier, lighter sounding one. "We should get back. They'll be waiting for us."

"Agreed." Allen nodded, smiling back at Lavi reassuringly, a weak attempt at trying to calm the nerves she could still see flashing within his eye.

"Promise you're okay?" Lavi looked her over, checking for any sign of injury or pain, noting that there were no obvious wounds other than mild scratches and a little bit of dirt and blood. "Did he do anything?"

"No." Allen shook her head in denial, but didn't quite meet Lavi's eye, making sure she had hidden the lie well enough for him not to see. Oh, no, he didn't do anything except for _find out her secret. _She continued to lie, finally meeting Lavi's gaze with her lie hidden deep within her eyes, where no-one would see it, not even the Jr. Bookman himself who seemed to notice _everything_. "And I'm fine, Lavi. There isn't any innocence here, so we can go back home."

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**So... Was that okay? Yes, Allen is faking as being a boy. How much fun is that? I love gender-bending. The name of the story makes sense, later... Maybe now too, just not as much.**

**Please review, give me your thoughts, ideas, questions, anything. It's appreciated. ^-^**

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**Bye-Bye~**

**CryDon'tSmile**


	2. Chapter 2: Keeping Up Appearances

**Here's Chapter 2. I know I posted the first one just a few days ago but it's 3 in the morning and I have nothing to do. I am actually amazed by the favorites and follows I got. None of my stories got that many in the first Chapter. Thank-you so much guys!**

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_**Mine From the Start**_

_**Chapter 2: Keeping Up Appearances**_

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Allen woke up, silver eyes blinking sleepily as she stretched her stiff arms out. She frowned at the events of her last mission, and brushed her white hair out of her eyes, pulling in a deep breath and slowly letting it out as she closed her eyes again, irritated by the thought of it and also her sudden waking.

_Only one day. One day since the Noah found out that I'm a girl. I better not become one of those people who counts the days since something happened._

She sat up quickly, startling Tim- who had been sleeping on her pillow next to her as he always did- as there was a knock on her door, impatient and harsh. So _that _was why she woke up so harshly, jolted out of her sleep unnaturally. Someone was knocking on the door. "Allen! C'mon! You said you'd have breakfast with me, and food is something you never miss!"

Allen glanced down at her chest on instinct from keeping her secret from so long, eyes widening in panic as she realized that her chest-binding was off and she was only wearing a thin top, a dead give-away. _Crap!_ She glanced around with panicked eyes, eyes landing on her coat. "Uh… J-Just a second Lavi!"

She yanked her coat on in a panicked hurry- which actually delayed the action more than sped it up- and had just finished buttoning it up, again in record time, when Lavi entered with a flourish, smiling like the goofy idiot he was. Had he _actually_ picked her lock _again_? So many times, so many times she'd been caught unaware as he burst into her room, so many times she could have been caught changing or anything that gave away her secret. Dammit, she'd told him not to do that!

Lavi looked at her suspiciously, folding his arms across his chest, gaze piercing into her curiously and trying to dig out the truth with a simple look that felt as though it could quite literally pierce someone's skin and burrow into their soul to resurface all of their secrets and insecurities with barely any effort. Luckily, Allen was not one of those who cracked under the pressure of his gaze. She never did. "Geez Allen, what took you so long?"

Allen's hand rose and she smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of her neck as a quick lie whirred through her head to keep her cover from being blown. "It took me a minute to get out of bed, isn't it the same with everyone?" She shrugged, stretching her arms out and cracking her bones to add to the effect. "I've told you _time and time again _not to pick my lock! What don't you understand about that?"

"The… don't pick the lock part? We're both guys, it's fine. And anyway, I… Never mind. Are you coming or not?" The red-head started walking away and Allen quickly followed, jumping in excitement for breakfast and the thought of food. She knew Jeryy loved cooking for her just from the _amount _she asked for. If there was something she would never _ever _pass up, it was going to be food.

"Uh, of course! What on earth gave you the idea that I would _skip_ breakfast?"

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Tyki sat at the table, elbows on the table and fists under his chin, gold eyes staring down at the table contemplatively as he thought, ignoring every single person around him who all seemed to be giving him strange and curious looks.

So Allen Walker was a girl this whole time… And she'd kept it hidden so very well, not even he had found out through all of the times he had been with her and fought her. He wondered if he should tell the family, just to avoid any unexpected surprises or get caught out when someone found out. He didn't think anyone would be very happy if they found out Allen was a girl, and then found out he had found out before them and then get angry at him… God, what a head spin. He could imagine Road's excitement at finding out Allen was a girl, considering her obsession with dolls and dressing up and brushing hair and making _people _into dolls, and smirked a little. Road would be completely ecstatic to find out that somebody other than Lenalee could be her pretty little doll, another exorcist to dress up and make dull and seemingly lifeless. But then the other Noah… They would probably be a lot more violent, taunting and torturing, killing her before he even got a chance to test out this new information…

_No,_ he mentally shook his head, eyes narrowing as his looking at the table turned into more of a glare. _I'll tell them later, after I've had my fun. _

"Uncle Tyki~?" Road's childish and giggly voice cut into his thoughts like a razor sharp blade and he growled under his breath, fists tightening just a little and his eye twitching at the thought of her never-ending questions. He _knew_ she would start asking and wouldn't give up until they were answered or one of them was dragged away or dismissed, and even then she was still around to find him and continue questioning him. And, even worse, she was the one who controlled the doors into and out of the Ark, so she could refuse him the ability to leave and only give it back if he gave her answers in return. And there was also the chance she would just force him into playing one of her games… With sharply annoyed eyes he looked over at the spiky-haired girl who was standing next to him, her gold eyes wide and questioning, filled with amusement at his anger. "Hmm… What are you thinking about~?"

"Nothing, Road. Just a book I read. Don't you have somebody else to bother?" Tyki sighed, rolling his eyes and wishing she would just go and bother Sheryl or somebody who deserved it. Most people could deal with the little girl's childish behaviour and constantly nagging voice, the way she constantly needed attention or she just lost it and seemed to try and kill anything within a worldwide radius. But Tyki couldn't. He didn't like the behaviour; yes, he _tolerated_ it, but that _didn't_ mean he enjoyed it.

"Hehe, nope~" Road wrapped her arms around his shoulders obliviously, giggling airily and closing her eyes, smiling wider and more dangerously at him. "Soooo~? Tell me what you were _really_ thinking about."

"I already answered that. Nothing." Tyki glanced at his brother, giving him a pleading look, begging him to get his adopted daughter away from him. "Sheryl, please get her off." He didn't need this, not right now. He just needed a moment where nothing was bothering him and everything was mostly silent so he could contemplate more; delve deeply into the situation at hand without being interrupted. Where was the Earl when he needed to be around? He could deal with Road, but was always so late… As much as he loved his 'little sister' and 'niece' the girl annoyed him to no end.

"Road." Sheryl raised his eyebrows at his adopted daughter, his tone warning her to go back to her seat. Never had Tyki actually expected him to scold his daughter so, considering he loved her to death and often- somewhat scarily- had nosebleeds and fits over her. "Release your Uncle, he's answered your question. That was what you wanted, correct?"

Road pouted, letting go of Tyki and storming back to her seat, sitting down and folding her arms across her chest with an indignant huff, glaring daggers at her Uncle. If she had her candles with her they would've long ago been buried in his arms and shoulders, possibly his chest and back as well. "I still expect you to tell me ya know!"

Tyki just smiled at her, closing his eyes nonchalantly and speaking in a light, carefree tone. "We'll see, Road. We'll see."

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Allen ate like she normally did, which was a _lot. _She needed to keep her Parasitic Innocence fuelled, and the best way was to just eat and eat and eat… She was never really full. Never full, but often hungry. Even three minutes spent in hunger was enough to get her moaning about how they were all going to starve to death, and then the others would laugh and scold her, telling her to stop being so foolish. But really it was true! Well, to Allen anyways. They could starve to death! She would probably be the first to go in a fit of dramatic exaggeration. 

"God, Allen. How do you stay so thin?" Lavi's glimmering emerald eye was wide as she looked up and met it with her own silver-blue, rolling her eyes playfully in return to his shocked and a little horrified stare.

"I dunno. You're the Bookman, you tell me." She smiled, folding her arms infront of her and resting them on the table. She already knew why, she just wanted to see if Lavi would actually try to explain why she could eat so much, and yet never gain weight.

"Well…" Lavi started, his emerald eye taking on that look of thought she was so used to.

Allen put her hands out infront of her, silver eyes widening. "No! No! Don't tell me! Don't even start!" She knew how long Lavi could ramble on for, and she'd spent more than one train ride listening to him go on and on about something or other. Actually, sometimes she thought it was just so she'd fall asleep out of boredom and then he could draw on her face. She hated having to rub it off. It hurt, and left her tender skin red and itchy.

Lavi pouted at her. "But you asked…"

"I know how long your stories can go on for Lavi. I don't want to hear it. Not now." She lowered her arms, resting her head in them, closing her eyes. Why was she so tired? She hadn't slept all that well last night… "Maybe later."

Lavi grabbed her arm, gently shaking it. Her silver eyes opened and she looked up at him, silver eyes questioning. "What?" Why couldn't he just let her sleep?

"You aren't falling asleep." Lavi folded his arms across his chest, his eyes narrowing accusingly with a trace of amusement hinting in the middle of a sea of green. "Not now."

"I wasn't going to." Allen whined. "I swear." Of course she was lying, and she made it painfully obvious to Lavi, hoping her got the message. He was a Bookman. Of course he'd get the message. Although a lot of the time Lavi acted like much more of an idiot than he actually was.

Lavi looked at her accusingly, and she smirked back. Yep. He'd gotten it.

_I am still amazed by how much that kid looks like a girl. _Lavi nearly flinched at his own thought, mentally shaking his head. _No. Don't think those things. That's just… Perverted come to mind… No. Not perverted. Just… weird._

"Lavi?" Allen was now standing, the plates before her empty. She was confused by the light blush that had come forth on his cheeks, but decided not to question about it. "I'm gonna go. If you get lonely just find Lenalee… or Kanda."

"Sure, Shortstack." The blush was gone as soon as it had come, and Allen tilted her head slightly, trying to comprehend, before growling at the name he had used.

Allen's silver eyes narrowed, flashing angrily. "My name is Allen! All-en! A-L-L-E-N." Yes, she even went so far as to spell her own name. "It isn't that hard to remember!" Why could he not understand that she had an _actual _name, and he was _allowed _to use it?

Lavi rolled his eye, chuckling, and Allen gave him a small, tolerant smile before leaving. She opened the door to her room, stepping into the bathroom and turning on the water in the shower.

She tested the water with her slim hand, drawing it away quickly as she found it was too hot and burnt her fingers. She turned the cold tap a little more and stripped off, stepping in completely.

She shuddered as the warm water flowed across her cold and pale skin, stinging in a comfortable way. She washed quickly, running her fingers through her short hair, before turning off the shower and stepping out, feeling refreshed. She reached for a towel, wrapping it tightly around her body.

She dried her body, and then her short white hair. She didn't see the need to brush her hair, as it would sort itself out on its own. It was short enough to do it on its own. Not long like Kanda's. Allen shuddered thinking of how nightmarish it would be, having to deal with hair _that _long.

She took her chest-binding, wrapping it restrictively around her chest, making sure her small breasts were as flat as possible. Once she was satisfied she pulled on the rest of her clothing, exiting the foggy bathroom.

She ran a hand through her hair, absentmindedly wishing it was longer. Not too much longer, but long. But she couldn't let them know. Long hair would make it much too obvious. Her feature's just passed as boyish, and she had been labelled as _cute _a few more times than she would've liked. If Allen Walker was anything, it was not _cute._

Master Cross had always disliked the way she had pretended to be a boy, telling her to dress properly, and even buying girl's clothing. Allen had snuck out when he wasn't around, which was often, and burnt them. She never really listened to the drunken womanizer, plus it was fun to think he was wasting his money, even though he pinned all of his debts on her. Though he never _forced _her to dress like a girl though. He only voiced his opinions. Allen had told him time and time again that she pretended to be a boy so people wouldn't treat her differently, but Master Cross didn't listen, much like she never listened to him. That was the relationship they had, either argue or ignore each other completely.

But now her secret was so much more important to keep, all because of that stupid Noah.

* * *

Tyki sat with a book in his hand, scanning the words. Even though he could see them, he wasn't really reading them. Instead, he was lost in his thoughts again. To be specific, he was thinking of Allen. He shuddered in delight, remembering the way she had felt pulled up against him, so helpless…

But he hadn't learnt enough about the girl. He had thought he knew her, but he was so wrong. And he hadn't even realized it until he found out she was a girl. It had completely flipped any views he had on the bo- _girl, _since then. He needed to know more, know exactly who she was.

He chuckled under his breath, a plan forming.

If he could just get the girl to come with him, or kidnap her, he could question her. Trying to get her to come with him would be a near impossible task, since they were enemies and all, so the way that most made sense was to kidnap the girl. It was the simplest option, and also the most effective.

His smile widened and he chuckled again, his eyes flashing.

Oh, yes, he was going to have so much fun.

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**So. Yep. That's that. . Hehe.**

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**Bye-Bye~**

**CryDon'tSmile**


	3. Chapter 3: Kidnapping And Kissing

**Hey guys. Here's Chapter 3. Didn't take long, did it?**

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**_Mine From the Start_**

_**Chapter 3: Kidnapping And Kissing**_

* * *

Tyki watched the sleeping girl carefully and quietly, waiting.

The girl was on her back, eyes closed, wearing her chest-binding, a thin top and a pair of black pants. She was on top of the covers, and Tyki couldn't blame her. It was quite hot outside, as was her room. If only she realized it made his objective oh so much easier.

"Ah, Shojo. You wouldn't be sleeping so peacefully if you knew I was here." The girl didn't stir; she stayed asleep, soft lips slightly parted. He so badly wanted to press his lips against hers, but held himself back. He could wait, and anyway, it would be so much more enjoyable if she were awake when it happened.

He silently walked over to the bed, his dark hand brushing against the girl's soft cheek. He scooped her up- unsurprised by how little she weighed- and cradled her against his chest, chuckling. "You make it too easy, Allen Walker." With those words he walked through Road's doors.

* * *

Allen snapped awake quickly, eyes narrowed, knowing something was wrong. She could feel it; she wasn't safe, at all. She glanced around, eyes narrowing dangerously. The room she was in was dark, so she could see very little except for a small circle of light around where she was sitting…

_Sitting?_

She glanced down, eyes widening as she realized her hand had been _chained _to a chair, and she couldn't activate her innocence because of dark matter. When had this happened, and why hadn't she awoken?

The cold feeling, almost like freezing fingers, that ran down her neck and spine told her _exactly _who had chained her here. She looked straight into the dark shadows infront of her, smirking slightly, though out of irritation. "Tyki Mikk. I guess our last visit wasn't satisfactory enough for you?"

Tyki stepped out of the shadows, piercing gold eyes flashing. "Shojo~ I was wondering when you'd wake. Our last visit was good, but raised a few questions. So I brought you here." His smirk widened at the disbelieving look she sent his way, her silver eyes gleaming.

"You kidnapped me?" Allen rolled her eyes, shaking her head. "How very predictable." She really should've expected it, but it was a little late to tell herself that now. He had her, and she couldn't quite find a route of escape at the exact time.

Tyki stepped toward her, hand brushing her cheek. "Mmm, now that I've got you, girl, what should I do with you?" He had many things running through his head, all of them a way to corrupt the untouched young girl before him.

Allen smiled sweetly and sarcastically, tilting her head to the left. "Maybe you should _let me go. _That'd be a good start." The way his gold eyes flashed though, full of hunger, made her doubt that he'd be releasing her anytime soon.

"You really do despise me, Menina. Such a shame…" Tyki sighed heavily, looking her in the eyes. The way she looked at him made him frown. The disgust in that silver, the hatred burning deep within them, reminding him that they should never be together.

"Well, you got the first fact right. I _hate _you, Tyki Mikk. As for it being a shame, I think not. It helps me remember that you are the enemy, that you should be killed, because you are a sinner." Her eyes narrowed and hardened, becoming a flat grey, and she scowled. They edges of her lips twitched up into the slightest smirk as his eyes filled with rage, and she knew she'd hit a nerve.

Tyki growled, considering slapping the girl, whose lips were twitched up into the slightest smirk. The smug look on her face infuriated him, as did the way she knew exactly how to make him angry. Still, he managed to speak calmly, though he knew his eyes would probably be giving him away. "You seem quite confident, girl. Last I checked _you _were the one chained to the chair."

"Because you kidnapped me," Allen growled, smirk disappearing and being replaced with a scowl. "Let me go, Mikk!"

"I just want to ask a few questions. Is that too much to ask? I only wish for you to answer them, truthfully." Tyki smirked down at the girl as she tugged on the chains, grey eyes narrowing as she tried to overpower the dark matter that restrained her left arm.

"Or what?" Allen glared at the Noah, avoiding his gaze. Something was burning in his eyes, something she didn't want to see, something she should avoid.

"I'll torture you." Tyki's smirk grew, almost inhumanly wide. His version of torture was so much better than Road's in his opinion, and though Road's was more painful, his inflicted damage on pride.

"Go ahead. I'm not answering any of your questions." Allen still refused to meet his eyes, and her fingers were beginning to twitch with impatience and fury.

Tyki leaned forward, his lips brushing against Allen's for much longer than they should have. He stared into Allen's gleaming eyes, and smirked as they grew wide. Allen could feel a blush start to creep up her cheeks, and mentally cursed. This was treason! If the Order ever found out… He had to stop.

Tyki pulled back, though it took more effort than he should have had to use to break away from the girls soft, warm lips. Allen's eyes were wide, her cheeks stained red with a blush. Her eyes finally met his, and she was almost frightened by the intensity of the hunger that lurked there.

"Answer my questions. I can do things that are a lot worse than that. Trust me." Multiple things rushed through his head at once, and he almost wished that Allen would still refuse to answer, just so he could carry through with it.

Allen could almost see exactly what he was thinking, and she knew he would do these things, things that would surely corrupt her and eat away at her pride. Her eyes widened and a look of shock crossed her face. "N-No! Fine! I… I'll answer your questions. Just don't… Don't think those things."

"Ah, good girl." Tyki cupped her cheek, stroking the skin there. He smirked as the mortified look she was giving him. He had made his thoughts much, much too obvious, by the looks of it, and she didn't like it. "I knew you'd agree. Now, tell me why exactly you dress like a boy? It isn't very fitting."

"I told you already, Mikk. So the Order doesn't treat me differently." She flinched, cheek twitching under his fingers. "Can you stop that? It's kind of creepy, and wrong." She couldn't stand this man touching her like he was; she just wanted him to stop.

Tyki just chuckled, continuing the stroking of her cheek. She glared at him, silver eyes gleaming beautifully in the low light as she waited. "Who knows about you being a girl?"

"Why do you care?" Allen snapped. Tyki's eyes narrowed and once again he brought his mouth to hers. This time was even longer, and not just a brush of the lips like the last time. He locked his lips to hers, tongue prodding at her bottom lip. Her lips remained tightly pressed together, but still he continued licking her lips, content with the taste of them for now.

She snarled at him when he broke away, and he just smirked, licking his own lips for good measure. "You know. Master knows," she forced out between clenched teeth, controlling the rage that welled inside of her.

"Anybody else?" He could clearly sense her rage, and it made the Noah inside of him excited. Rage usually led to a fight, which led to blood and death. He pushed those thoughts back. The _sane_ part of him didn't want that. Not yet.

"No." Allen looked down at her hands, wishing she could wipe her mouth. She could still taste the Noah there.

"Are you sure?" Tyki kept his eyes trained on her, looking for any hint of a lie.

"Positive." Her eyes moved to his, just for a second, proving she was not lying.

Tyki sighed, taking his hand away from her cheek, much to Allen's satisfaction. "Are we done?" she snapped. "I don't have time for this."

"You'll make time." Tyki frowned at her as though he was scolding a young child, which was what it felt like. She was usually so mature… "You're acting quite like the child, Menina. Normally you're much more mature…"

Allen would've crossed her arms had she been able. Her eyes narrowed, and she forced her face into one of calm, with a hint of irritation, to remind the Noah that she was not completely submitting. "Does that anger you?"

"No. It only makes you cuter." Tyki smirked, though his smirked waned a little at the way her eyes wouldn't meet his for more than a few seconds before she went back to looking at the floor, the darkness that surrounded them or her hands.

"Pervert," Allen hissed out harshly, snarling. She wanted to activate her innocence, attack the Noah bastard before her, but couldn't. She was trying, but she couldn't.

"Don't be so harsh." Tyki's eyes narrowed, though his smile stayed put, making him look vicious. "I haven't done anything wrong." He didn't believe he'd done anything wrong. The young girl before him might have thought otherwise, but he didn't dwell very long on that fact.

Allen gave him a disbelieving and exasperated look. "You're kidding, right? First you kidnap me, and then you kiss me, _twice, _and you think you've done nothing wrong?" And she hated it. The kissing, especially. Every time he did it her will to fight back was weakened, and she knew he was doing it for that exact reason. Why else would he kiss her?

"There isn't anything wrong with any of those things." Tyki knew reasoning with her wasn't something that was available, but he liked voicing his opinions, especially when it got a reaction from Allen.

Allen sighed deeply, deciding to ignore the Noah for a little while and continue trying to get free of the chains. She tried, again and again, and Tyki watched in amusement as she growled, slumping in the chair and looking up at him tiredly, her once silver eyes now flat pools of grey. "How much longer do I have to stay here?"

"The more you resist, the longer you stay." Tyki side-stepped her question, leaving it unanswered.

"One, that doesn't answer my question, and two, I'm not resisting." Even as she said the words she continued trying to free herself.

Tyki's larger hands moved to cover her pale wrists and hands, pressing the chains into her skin, leaving indents. "Stop struggling." Why wouldn't she just be pliant? Sure, she'd never listened to him in the past, but she didn't seem to get the fact that he wasn't going to let her go if she struggled.

Allen's brow furrowed at the feel of his warm hands covering hers, and she wished she could move for about the hundredth time. "Can you _stop?"_ she growled out, meeting his eyes and forcing herself to keep looking into them instead of looking away like every other time.

Tyki sighed, keeping his hands where they were, and knelt before the girl, becoming level with her. He stared into her eyes, wanting the pure truth from her answer, even though he already knew it. "Just one last question. Are you a virgin?"

Allen's eyes widened and she pressed her back even further back into the seat, wishing a hole would just swallow her up. A look of mortification flashed across her face, and Tyki's lips twisted into a wicked smirk. He wanted an answer, and she had to tell him straight up. He knew that she was, but something inside of him wanted to hear it from her.

_That bastard! Why would he even…?!_ Allen was lost for words for a moment as she cursed in her head.

"W-Why would you even ask… _that?!"_ she hissed out, face turning red. She looked down, dropping her head. "I don't have to answer that." She was sure he was perverted, but this just confirmed it. And even as he asked, that lust gleamed in his eyes, which scared Allen. What did he want?

"Then I'm not letting you go." Tyki's hand pressed down harder, digging the chains deep into her skin as he stood, eyes never breaking away from hers. "Although… I could always find out _that _way…" He smiled as he thought of the possibility, and Allen could once again see it flashing through his mind.

Allen sat straight, eyes flashing with fury and embarrassment. "No!" She growled, shuddering. "I'll… I'll answer your question… Yes… I am… Now let me go! And I thought I told you not to think those things!"

The chains underneath Tyki's hands snapped, and Allen stood quickly, nearly falling as her legs woke up. She automatically gripped Tyki's upper arm, steadying herself, and pulled away with a sneer when she realized what she had done. She quickly took her hands away, ducking her head and letting her short hair fall over her eyes, shielding them from the Noah's burning gaze. She watched as a set of Road's doors appeared. They were her chance of escape, and it was being given to her. Tyki opened them, and being the gentleman, motioned for Allen to go through first.

Allen cautiously stepped over, and, trying to keep distance from Tyki, walked through the door. Tyki followed her as they walked into her room and Allen sighed under her breath, turning to face Tyki with a hateful look.

"I doubt this is the last time we'll be seeing each other." She silently wished they wouldn't have to see each other again, but this was war, and they would meet on the battlefield.

He leaned down to whisper in her ear, pulling her against him. He had been aching to hold her against him from the very start, and loved then feel of her smaller body pulled tight against his. He wanted more of her, but he knew he couldn't. Not yet, anyway. He had just kidnapped her, having his way with her right now would be going too far. But God knew how much he wanted to take her right there, whether it was on the bed, the wall, the floor, he didn't care.

"Of course not," he purred. "I haven't finished with you." He pulled back to place a gentle kiss on the girls lips, holding himself back, before releasing her completely and turning to walk through Road's doors. "I'll be seeing you soon."

He left, and Allen flopped down onto her bed, closing her eyes and swiping a hand across her mouth in an effort to get rid of the taste that lingered there, taunting her. Tim moved to nestle next to her, his tail brushing against her forehead in a soothing manner. Her silver eyes flickered open, and she gave Tim a weak smile. "Oh, Tim. What do I do?"

* * *

**Tyki:**_** How did you not see that coming? Of course I would kidnap you.**_

**Allen: _I hate you._**

**Tyki:**** _You don't hate me, you love me._**

**Me:**_** Actually... Allen it's pretty much true-**_

**Allen:**_** *Activates innocence* I'll kill you. Both of you.**_

**Me:**** _*Swallows nervously*_ _I'll just do the A/N.__  
_**

* * *

**Was that okay? I hope it was. Tyki kidnapped her! I have been waiting for two chapter to do that!*Smiles and giggles*.**

**~WARNING~ THE NEXT CHAPTER IS A LEMON. JUST THOUGHT I'D LET YOU KNOW. ~WARNING~**

**Please review, and thanks to everyone who reviewed last time. It's appreciated!**

**Bye-Bye~**

**CryDon'tSmile**


	4. Chapter 4: Back In The Forest

**Hey guys. I have internet for a short span of time so I'm just gonna quickly post this. It's the lemon scene, by the way. It's rape. There's no nice way to put it, it's rape.  
**

* * *

**_Mine From The Start_****  
**

**_Chapter 4: Back In The Forest_**

* * *

**Allen's POV:**

I woke earlier than I usually did, my silver eyes blinking lazily as I slowly sat up. Tim fluttered up, before settling in my hair, wrapping his tail around my head and falling asleep again.

I caught his tail and pulled him away, setting him on the bed. Stretching, I grudgingly swung my legs out of the bed, my feet brushing against the cold floor. I dragged myself out of bed, using the frame to keep my balance as my sleep heavy legs threatened to cave. Once I felt my legs had awoken I stepped away, and finding myself able to balance, I walked into the bathroom, leaving Tim sitting on my bed.

I turned the water on, and finding it comfortable I stepped in, tipping my head back to let the water wet my white hair. My head was still back in bed, but the shower would soon fix that. As much as I needed the sleep, I just couldn't get it.

I washed my hair, my body, while recalling the events that had happened a while ago. I shuddered at remembering how he kissed me, and then remembered his last question.

_Just one last question. Are you a virgin?_

Why had he asked that? No-one in their right mind asks their _enemy _whether they're a _virgin. _What was wrong with him?! It was like he was becoming obsessed.

I shook my head, stepping out and wrapping a towel around my body. I kept my mind off of the Noah as I wrapped my binding tight around my chest and pulled my clothes on, giving myself a quick once over in the mirror to check I looked boyish enough. My hair was getting a little long though… I would have to cut it sooner or later. The knock on the door alerted me to someone being there, and I rushed over, smiling when I found it was Lenalee.

"Komui wants to see you." Her purple eyes glanced down at her clipboard. "I have to go. Bye."

"Thanks Lenalee." I left my room, finding my way to Komui's office, hoping I wouldn't get lost again. I found the office and stepped in, and then stopped, unable to go any further due to the paper scattered throughout the room.

Komui looked up at me from a stack of books, and I smiled warmly. "You wanted to see me?"

Komui nodded. "Yes. Do you remember that forest you were in, a little while ago, with Lavi?"

"Yea." How could I forget that cursed place? That was the forest where my _secret_ had been found out by the Noah of Pleasure. "What about it?"

"The Innocence that was claimed to be there, it turns out the claim was true. You might not have been able to find it the first time, but it's definitely there. You're going to go back and find it."

"Alone?" My silver eyes widened a fraction, and I had to force my expression to be one of pure calm, keep my smile in place.

"Yes. Is something wrong?" Komui tilted his head to the side, watching me with confused eyes.

"No, of course not." I shook my head, smiling, while at the same time my head screamed that I shouldn't go. _I have to, _I scolded myself. _An order is an order._

"Good." Komui motioned for me to leave. "Be there as soon as you can."

I left, growling and cursing under my breath as I scuffed my boot against the ground in frustration. Of all places it had to be _there. _What if that stupid Noah was there again?

I shook my head, sighing. I needed to calm down and be reasonable. I would just go, get the innocence, and leave. There would be Akuma, but I could destroy them with my arm. And hopefully if any Noah showed up, it wouldn't be Tyki Mikk.

I grabbed all that I needed, packing it all, and made my way out of the building, silently dreading the moment that I would have to go back to that forest.

* * *

**Normal POV:**

Allen jumped back as a Level 3 Akuma attacked her once again, and stumbled a little, before regaining her stance. She growled as she struck it again, and yet it did not fall. This was taking too long! She had to get out of here! The battle was level, so far, but she knew she could defeat the creature.

Tyki sat up in one of the higher branches of a nearby tree, lips twisting into a smirk, gold eyes flashing with amusement. It was hard to tell who was winning, but obviously she would. It was endearing, the way her silver eyes flashed with determination as she fought it. Almost like the buttons he collected from the exorcist coats, so pretty.

They were both correct, as soon enough Allen slashed through the middle of the Akuma, finally destroying it. She leaned against a tree, catching her breath, tired after her fight. Tyki dropped down behind her, his footsteps loud as he walked up to stand behind her. He could tell by the way he gave her a tired look that she had been hoping to not see him here. She should've known better. There was no way that Tyki would pass up a chance to see his favourite exorcist.

Allen groaned, annoyed, as she slid down to sit at the base of the tree, still trying to recover from her fight. "I was hoping I wouldn't see you here." She didn't have time to deal with the pervert. She just needed to get the innocence and get away.

"You were sorely mistaken, Menina." Tyki watched her carefully, something sparking deep within him at the thought that he could so easily strip her down and take her right there.

Allen stood, turning to face him, her innocence reverted back into her red arm. She growled under her breath, wishing she was taller so she could stand up against the Noah and not look so… _fragile_. "I noticed. Well? Are you going to kill me?"

"Kill you? Ah my dear Menina…" Tyki shook his head, chuckling. He had other things in mind, things that were much more _pleasurable _than just killing her. He'd been thinking about it for a long time, and had promised himself that he would carry through, and he was not going to break that promise, even if it was going to be on the floor of a forest. He swiftly took a bruising hold of her neck, pushing her down and easily pinning her to the ground with his legs and body. He tore open her exorcist coat, flexing the grip he had on her un-invoked left arm.

"Mikk…" Allen's voice held an unspoken warning, one that Tyki chose to ignore, refusing to give up so easily.

He chuckled darkly, slowly inching his hand down her thin waist before expertly slipping his hand underneath her shirt. It was obvious to anyone that he had done this before, more than just a few times. His hand ghosted along her smooth, pale skin, barely brushing against the skin.

Allen shuddered, and trying to get away from the Noah, her right hand rose to push at his chest. It passed right through him thanks to his ability, and she scowled, growling as his hand moved up and brushed over her chest binding.

Tyki's hand brushed across the soft cloth that was wrapped so tightly around her chest, and his need to touch her only increased. God she felt good underneath him, so helpless and weak. He withdrew his hand and sat up smoothly, slowly and deliberately unbuttoning the younger Exorcists white shirt, watching her face with amusement.

Allen's silver eyes widened in alarm and she tried to free her left arm from his iron grip. "Mikk! Stop it!' she growled, her voice bordering on desperate.

Tyki moved the shirt away from her body, leaving it on her but at the same time making sure his view of her body was not obstructed. His glowing eyes ran down her body before moving back to her face, his gold eyes locking with her silver. His smile turned to a cruel one, and she snarled at him as her eyes narrowed and darkened.

Tyki leaned down, placing mouth next to her ear. "Stop? But this was my plan, ever since I discovered your _secret. _Why else would I have asked whether you were a virgin or not?" He purred, before licking the shell of her ear, making her shudder. "And I must say, it feels good, having you trapped underneath me like this… I have come close to having my way with you a few times now, the first when I found out your secret. The second, that was after I asked you all of those questions, and we returned to your room. I had come _so close _to taking you right there. But it waited. But not for much longer."

"You bastard." Allen hissed, furious now. "You just wanted to know whether you'd have to share me or not!"

Tyki growled, pulling back to give her a cold look that told her more than she wanted to know. "I don't _share._ I would've _killed _the person who had taken your virginity. Lucky for me, and for you, that isn't the case, as you're still a virgin."

Allen shuddered again, shrinking back, wishing she could be anywhere but here. Tyki took a hold of the cloth around her chest, pulling.

He sat back again as the binding was torn, and his haunting gold eyes slid over the newly exposed skin. She looked so perfect underneath him, pale and untouched. Something dark inside of him wanted to corrupt and break her, and he could hear his inner Noah hissing at him to taint her. _Soon,_ he answered.

Allen's right arm moved to cover her chest, and she glared at the Noah. Why was he doing this? It was flashing in his eyes, hunger and lust, as his eyes slid over her body.

The Noah of Pleasure took a firm hold of her right wrist, pinning her right and left hand above her head with just one of his hands. She tried to free her arms again, fear rising in her throat.

It was now that Tyki noted the position they were in, and how perfect it was for the current situation. He had her completely trapped and defenceless, his hips fitted snugly between her parted thighs. It made him shudder, having her defenceless. He didn't know what it was, but something twisted in him loved it even more when she was helpless and weak. It made it so much more enjoyable.

Allen also noticed the position they were in, and she started to twist and jerk, trying hard to free herself. Tyki groaned as she rubbed against him, giving him friction where he needed it, making him harder.

Allen gave up her fight quickly, panting and turning her head to the side. She screwed her silver eyes closed, trying to get much needed air into her lungs. "Mikk… Please… Don't do this…" She would never forgive him, or herself, if this happened.

Tyki only smiled, lips zeroing in on her neck, before he hungrily dragged kiss after kiss down her chest, his hands releasing her wrists and moving down to stroke her thighs.

He nuzzled her white hair, inhaling her scent and almost purring as he slipped a finger inside of her, using his power to pass straight through the barrier of her pants.

Allen arched, pressing into his body, gasping. Her arms moved to wrap around his broad shoulders, and he slipped his finger out before adding a second and beginning a slow thrusting.

"A-Ah! Mikk!" She couldn't deny that it was giving her pleasure, but it was treason. She couldn't be doing this!

He withdrew his fingers, gripping her thighs tightly, parting them even more. He freed his erection, using a hand to guide himself to her entrance.

Allen kept her silver eyes tightly closed, knowing what was about to happen, and that she couldn't stop it. She was never going to forgive herself for this.

Tyki pushed forward, burying himself deep within her heat. Allen cried out as pain seared in her body, and tears leaked down her cheeks.

Tyki watched her, the tears sliding down her cheeks, and gently ran his fingers through her short hair soothingly. He stilled his hips, waiting, but he found that he couldn't wait for long once he was inside of her, in that tight heat. He thrust into her again, before drawing back and snapping his hips forward hard.

He started with a slow rhythm, but the fire in his veins demanded more. He couldn't hold that pace for long, not with the child underneath him moaning like she was.

Soon they had formed a rhythm, moving together, her hips snapping back to meet him. She moaned, desperately gripping his shirt, her head tilting back and lips parting.

"T-Tyki!" She reached her end quickly, crying out, tears still falling from her silver eyes. Her eyes widened as what they had done dawned on her and she stiffened. Oh my God… She had to get away from him. She couldn't let him come inside of her.

Tyki noticed her stiffen, though faintly. He was so close to his own end… Allen shifted underneath him, trying to get away, and he growled, using his weight to hold her still. She was begging him not to come inside of her, but he wasn't going to listen. He wanted to reach his own end deep in her tight, warm heat.

His body shook- muscles tensing- as he finally reached his end, releasing his seed deep within her. He hissed through his white teeth, breathless. Damn, she had felt good. He had been waiting so long but it was worth it.

Allen lay still, frozen in horror and shock, her body shaking even though she wasn't cold. Tyki pulled away from her, chuckling darkly at the mess he'd made of the young girl. Allen didn't move, even as he fixed himself and rose to his feet, before turning and beginning to walk away. He paused to tell her one last thing, before he forgot.

"Oh, and one more thing." He called over his shoulder. "Don't let anyone else touch you. You belong to _me."_

With that he left, leaving Allen lying on the cool forest floor, unmoving.

* * *

**_Allen:__ I can't believe you did that? Isn't that rape?_  
**

**_Tyki:_****_ Tell Allen that it wasn't rape._**

**_Me: It wasn't. I wrote this story, I get to say whether it was rape or not. And I say that it wasn't. (Even though it was.)_**

**_Allen: I hate both of you. Even more._**

**_Me: I'm cool with that. I'll just do the A/N to try and forget you said anything._**

**Was that okay? I'd hope so. I feel really perverted... Is that normal?**

**Anyway, please review, it's really appreciated. About the authors note... Our wi-fi gets turned off, so I have next to no internet in the holidays. Sorry. :(**

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**Bye-Bye~**

**CryDon'tSmile **


	5. Chapter 5: Visits

**Hey guys. Hasn't been long, has it? I'm at a friends house, so I have internet. ^-^**

* * *

_**Mine From The Start**_

_**Chapter 5: Visits**_

* * *

As soon as she got in the shower Allen fell to her knees, burying her face in her hands.

She had just had sex.

_With the Noah of Pleasure._

Well, technically she never agreed to it, but she had let him. And he had come _inside _of her, even though she'd begged him not to.

Which meant she could be… no… with _his _child… no…

She shook her head, pushing the thoughts back. It was once. There was a low chance that she would fall pregnant with the Noah's child. She caught a glimpse of the mess on her thighs, the thin trails of red- her virginity- and the _white- _Tyki Mikk's _seed._

She stood- placing a hand on the stone wall to brace herself- and wrapped one arm around her chest, hugging herself. She said she wouldn't let this happen! She could never forgive herself, not after something like this.

Worst of all, the Noah had said that she _belonged _to him, which meant he would most likely be back. _Belonged _to him? Allen had a right to kill the man, and avoid him. She did not _belong _to him. But… if he came back… She didn't want that. At all.

_Did she?_

He had practically _raped _her.

_But at the same time she wanted it…_

No! She didn't!

She didn't realize she was crying until a broken sob was torn from her throat. She fell to her knees again, before just sitting on the floor, the water running over her shoulders and back as she hunched over, her tears mixing with the water that ran down her face.

She pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her shaking arms around them, dropping her head and resting her forehead against her knees, letting out another sob.

No. She wouldn't cry over something like this. There was no point. Crying wasn't going to solve anything, it never did. She had to keep moving forward.

Just like Mana had told her to.

She remained sitting there, with her knees to her chest, for a good half an hour, breathing deeply and focusing on calm. She stared blankly at the wall, not really seeing, before shaking her head and deciding that she had to get up. She gripped the taps, pulling herself up, and rested against the wall for another minute, gaining her balance.

She turned the taps off, stepping out of the shower, and grabbed a clean towel, wrapping it around herself. She slowly dried herself off, and pulled her clothes on. She remembered that she had no chest binding, as the Noah had torn it, and settled without. She could just wear her exorcist coat to cover up. It did the trick.

She fell onto the bed, exhausted. She had never been so tired in her life, and there were no questions as to why she was so tired. The multiple sleepless nights, and after everything her body had been through, it was a natural response to want to shut down, if only for a while.

She let her silver eyes slide closed, inhaling and exhaling deeply, not bothering to sleep under the sheets. She quickly fell into a restless sleep, tossing and turning uncomfortably throughout the night.

* * *

Allen woke with a start in the morning, sitting up, the impression that someone was next to her. Silver eyes darted around the room, and she breathed out in relief as she realized that no-one was there. But that feeling, the feeling that told her someone else was near, she could've sworn… Someone was next to her… She was sure… Her instincts were almost _never _wrong.

Tyki held his breath even though he didn't have to, having slipped back through the wall. He had been sitting on the edge of his exorcist's bed, watching her, and she had woken. He was quick to phase through the wall, hiding. He knew she would be furious if she knew that he was in her room, watching her sleep.

But even as he felt the need to hide, a stronger need arose, to reveal himself to his exorcist. The look on her face would be priceless, and he wanted to see her.

He stepped out of the wall, gold eyes flashing with amusement as Allen's silver eyes widened, before narrowing into dark slits. "What are you doing here, Mikk?" Why was he here?

He smiled at her, and she took a timid step toward him, the memory of what happened in that forest fresh in her mind. She stopped where she was, not so keen on getting any closer unless it was to attack him.

Tyki remained where he was, and Allen growled as he sat down in the chair in the corner, looking so comfortable, as though he owned the place. He didn't belong here! He had to leave. To think he had the nerve to come and see her, in her room, after what had happened.

Allen stormed toward him, on the verge of activating, when he quickly stood and shot forward, grabbing both of her wrists and disabling her. He held them up, next to her head and centimetres from his body. He ignored the urge to pull her forward and into him, and just let her stand where she was.

Allen tried to pull back, but he held her in place, smiling innocently at her. How could he look as though nothing was wrong when he was _clearly _pissing her off?

"Why are you here?!" Allen yelled, twisting her hands in a worthless attempt to get them free. The Noah's grip stayed strong, and she growled, her silver eyes filling with hatred.

Tyki frowned down at her. "There's no need for yelling," he scolded, voice gentle but stern and his words drawn out, as though talking to a child. He frowned even more deeply at the hatred in her silver eyes, and his eyes narrowed in return.

"You haven't answered my question! You shouldn't be here!" Allen tried again to pull back as Tyki only pulled her closer, losing the battle to not pull her against him. He wanted to feel her body against his, and there was only a mere centimetre between their bodies.

He sighed, twisting her left arm behind her back as he finally lost. He pulled it a little higher, so she had no choice but to arch into him. "I can be here if I wish, Menina. You do belong to me…"

"I do no-" She was cut off as Tyki closed the space between their lips, taking hers in a heated kiss. He tasted her lips with his tongue, but wanted more than that. But still she refused him access, which further annoyed him. Allen would've stumbled back because of the feel of the Noah's lips against her own, his tongue asking for entry, were it not for the fact that her arm was twisted behind her back.

Tyki broke off, smirking at his white-haired exorcists face, which was tinted an alluring shade of red. Her silver eyes met his as he gently stroked her hair and face, having released her right hand while he was kissing her. "You do. Now keep your voice down. You don't want to be caught like this, now do you?" He watched her carefully, the distant look in her eyes, the blush that stained her cheeks.

Allen hardly comprehended his words, neither the feeling of his warm hand brushing against her hair and face in an affectionate manner. She opened her mouth before she could think anything through properly, still unsure as to why the Noah was acting like he was. "Why do you keep kissing m-?"

Tyki cut her off again, once again kissing her. Her lips were still slightly parted, which made him smile. Finally he could kiss her properly. He used his tongue to part her lips more, tracing her lips with his tongue before slipping his tongue into her mouth, deepening the kiss.

A groan was torn from him at her taste, which was so much better than just her lips, and he pressed his body closer to hers. He silently wished he had found out her secret sooner, much sooner than he had. Allen's silver eyes widened as she realized she was kissing back, and she quickly tore away, gasping for air. She backed away from the Noah, and his head tilted to the side. What was she doing? Could she not remember who it was who had been kissing her? She met his eyes, and regretted it, because the same lust as in the forest burned there.

"Get out," she murmured shakily, pointing to the door and looking down, away from his eyes. "Get out, now." Something deep inside of her told her that she wanted him to stay, but she ignored the little voice and continued looking down at the floor, ashamed.

Tyki slowly made his way over to her, shaking his head in a refusal to leave. He wasn't giving her up that easily. She would be his, one way or the other. "You aren't serious. Remember that night, in the forest. Tell me how that felt."

"Pain," Allen said simply. "It hurt." It was the truth, though not all of it. There had been pleasure, but she refused to acknowledge that fact. Because there was nothing pleasurable about committing treason, betraying the Order.

"After that." Tyki leaned down to match her height, taking hold of her chin and pulling to head up so she would have to meet his eyes. "After the pain went away."

Allen swallowed, unable to tell the truth. After the pain had gone… It felt amazing. It _was _amazing. But she couldn't tell him that. She would never admit that to him. They weren't meant to be close, they were enemies, and they were at _war._ She looked up, eyes dull. "It was just sex."

Tyki's eyes narrowed in frustration and he shook his head again, wrapping his arms around the girl, embracing her. He leaned down, whispering into her ear, though in Portuguese. "Era muito mais do que apenas sexo. _(It was much more than just sex.)"_

Tyki felt bad that he couldn't work up the nerve to say it so she could understand. She wouldn't understand what he had told her, and her views on him would still be the same. Disgust and hatred. He hated seeing her silver orbs full of such emotion toward him. Allen stayed stiff and tense in his embrace, looking down at the floor.

Soon enough she wriggled out of his arms, facing away from him and pointing to the door. "Just leave."

Tyki obeyed, turning and walking straight through the door without even a goodbye. It hurt, being rejected so bluntly. He cursed himself for not telling the girl how he really felt, when really he should've so she understood his actions.

Allen pressed her back to the door, sliding down until she was sitting at the base, eyes closed and tears welling along her lashes.

_When did this madness begin?_

* * *

**Allen: _You took advantage of me. *pouts*_**

**Tyki:**** _Get used to it._**

**Me:**** _You really should... He does it often. Imma just gonna go over here and do the A/N..._**

**Ha-ha, I returned... And only after, like, a week. Probably coz I just rush my chapters and they're s**t. But that's okay-ish...**

**Bye-Bye,**

**CryDon'tSmile**


	6. Chapter 6: Poker

**Hey guys, I'n back. I head on holidays tomorrow, so... I probably won't have internet. Sorry. Also, I edited all of my chapters in this story, so feel free to read/re-read them, because a few things have changed.**

* * *

**Mine From The Start**

_**Chapter 6: Poker**_

* * *

Tyki sat with his human friends; John, Cole and Eeze. They had tricked this tall, gullible, vampire-looking guy into a game of poker, and stripped him of all his clothes except for his underwear.

Tyki didn't bother looking up as the compartment door opened, and two exorcists stepped in, Lavi and Allen. It wasn't until he heard Allen's voice that his eyes widened and he looked up at the two, a surprised smirk twitching at the corners of his mouth at seeing his exorcist. _Well, isn't this a surprise…_

Allen looked at Krory with a disappointed look, who gave a weak explanation for the state he was in, saying that the miners had offered to play Poker with him, and he had accepted. She then let her silver eyes wander over the three men and the child with them.

The child had light hair, and wore a mask, probably because of a sickness or disease. One of the miners was bald, wearing a beanie. The other had brown hair. They both smiled greedily at what they had won off Krory, seeming to not notice the exorcists, and Allen moved on quickly.

The final miner caught her eye more than the others though, for reason unknown. He had messy, dark hair, brown eyes, and wore large glasses with swirls in them that hid his eyes. Her eyes narrowed as she _felt _his eyes on her, and she shifted her weight uncomfortably. Had she seen this man before?

"Children can't play," Tyki stated. He wanted to play her, wanted to see more of her pale skin, but didn't have the heart to let her be stripped. He knew that Krory and Lavi didn't know she was a girl, and didn't want them to know either. Who knew what they would do to the girl. And anyway, he liked knowing that he was the only one- other than Cross- to know her secret.

Allen sat anyways, offering her coat and ignoring Tyki's warning. "I'm not a child. The buttons are made of silver. Take a look. I'll play for my friends belongings." John and Cole accepted immediately, and Tyki hesitated before accepting. _God, girl, what have you gotten yourself into?_

Allen smiled, eyes flashing with the excitement of getting to play poker. "I get to shuffle." As she shuffled and dealt she made sure to give herself the right cards, and slipped a few into her sleeve.

It turned out Tyki had no need to worry for her, since the girl had '_luck' _when it came to poker. She smiled sweetly throughout the whole thing, her poker face unfaltering, even as Lavi leaned down and whispered to her.

Soon she had won back all of Krory's possessions, and stripped the miners of all clothing except for their underwear. Tyki's smirk widened as she gave back their clothes, silver eyes still guarded, though for reasons unknown even to her. There was something about one of the miners, but she wasn't exactly sure which one it was…

Tyki took his clothes with a bright smile, brushing his hand against hers on purpose. His smile only widened as she pulled back quickly, and he took the deck of cards they had played with out of his pocket. He pressed them into her palm, again touching her hand. "Keep them. As a gift."

She smiled at him, a smile she never would have given him if he was in his Noah form. It twisted his heart to think of how much she despised the Noah, yet he had fallen head-over-heels for her, going to lengths such as kidnapping her, and taking her virginity in that forest. His brown eyes darkened underneath his glasses, and Allen quickly picked up on the tense atmosphere, backing away.

Allen looked down at the cards, shuffling through them before placing them in her pocket, pretending that the atmosphere was not as tense as it felt. She gave the miner a small smile, before turning away.

Tyki caught her thin arm, and she turned a little, looking over her shoulder at him, confused. "Hmm?"

"I… I never got your name." Tyki used whatever he had to keep her with him, just a little longer. He couldn't let her slip away so quickly. "What is it?"

"Allen Walker." She glanced down at her arm as a hint for the miner, and Tyki quickly released her arm, letting his hands rest by his sides. He wanted to reach out and touch her, but knew he couldn't. Not in his miner form. "And yours?"

Tyki's brown eyes narrowed a little. He couldn't use Tyki, the name was too… _Unique,_ and she'd get ideas… Unless... "Joyd. My name is Joyd." Would that fool her? It probably would, but for how long. She would surely find out his true identity, whether it be soon or not.

"Joyd." Allen tried the name on her tongue, and smiled, though she felt she had heard that name somewhere already. "I like it. I'll be leaving now. Stay safe." She had to leave, catch up with Lavi and Krory. They would get worried if she didn't return.

She left Tyki before he could say anything, not even glancing behind her as she hurried after her friends, biting her lip. Still, he spoke as if she were still able to hear him, knowing his words would not change a thing. "You too."

* * *

"Krory, I thought we told you not to trust people so easily." Allen shook her head. The guy was so gullible! They had told him more than once not to just agree to whatever people said. He was lucky they had turned up when they did, and that Allen knew poker as well as she did. "Be glad I got your belongings back."

Krory whimpered. "Thankyou for getting them back, though. How did you play so well?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Allen smiled and laughed as Krory shook his head. "I was cheating!" Wasn't he paying attention? From his angle, he should have been able to catch a glimpse of her sliding the cards out of her sleeve.

Lavi nodded at a shocked Krory. "I couldn't believe it either. But he was. Where did you learn to cheat like that?"

Allen's eyes narrowed, and a frown tugged her lips down. "Thanks to Master's debts, I had to find _some _way to pay them off. Poker worked, and I learnt quickly. I must always win. No mercy."

Lavi's eye widened as her bright ones, ablaze with some mixed emotion- somewhere between anger and greed- blazed with fire. Her eyes dimmed as she smiled at him again. "And it worked, as always." She saw Lavi's shocked, almost scared, expression, and guessed she'd gone a bit dark for a second. She didn't do it too often, only with poker, and when talking to or about Cross.

Lavi frowned. "You can be really scary sometimes, Allen."

Allen shrugged the comment off, absentmindedly shuffling the playing cards Joyd had given her. She knew she'd heard a name like that before, but couldn't quite recall… Dismissing the thought she picked a random card out, finding it to be the Ace of Spades, and studied it, holding it between her forefinger and thumb.

"Should I ask?" Lavi stole the card from her, looking it over.

"The miner gave them to me. The miner with the glasses." Allen took the card back, slipping it back into the deck and shuffling them again before placing them back in her pocket. "Told me I could have them." Why had he given them to her? What kind of person gave up a deck of cards so easily? Maybe it was because she won… Probably.

"Sure you didn't win them off him?" Lavi nudged her jokingly. Though it was likely that Allen would win the cards off of him, just because he could. He seemed like the type of person to do so when it came to poker.

Allen shot him an icy look, though smiled. "I'm sure." She wasn't that low. Sure, she'd strip people to their underwear and take their belongings, but only to pay off debts. She would never take anyone's belongings without them offering first.

But that miner… Why did she get that odd feeling she'd be seeing him much more often?

* * *

**Was that okay? I decided to introduce Tyki as a miner, just to throw something in. It'll get a little better in later chapters (maybe even including Allen getting her arm ripped off). It's not too great now, but that's fine. **

**Umm... ideas or questions, comment or constructive criticism? I'll accept all I guess. Reviews are appreciated. **

**Bye-Bye~**

**CryDon'tSmile **


	7. Chapter 7: The Killer And Killed

**Look, I know this chapter is crappy, but just... I don't know. I had to rush it because I only have one day home before heading away for another two weeks. I just spent a week away from home and had no laptop or internet, and this is most likely my only day, so yea. Sorry!**

**Oh, and I have a poll open on my profile for what I should do in later chapters in this story and so on, so check that out and vote please? ^-^**

* * *

**_Mine From The Start_**

**_Chapter 7: The Killer And Killed _**

* * *

_Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!_

Of course Allen would lose sight of Lavi and Krory. Of course she would find herself in one of the darkest parts of town, in an abandoned alleyway.

Of course Tyki Mikk would be trying to kill her.

* * *

**_Earlier:_**

_Tyki stepped off of the train, making sure to keep his distance from the exorcists. It would seem suspicious if he hung around them, got off at the same stops that they did. He couldn't have it like that, he had to attack and kill them._

_Although, he didn't plan on killing his Allen, just the two boys she was with. If either of them laid a hand on her…_

_He growled, shook his head and picked up the phone as it rang, already knowing who would be on the other end of the line. "Tyki."_

_"Tyki-pon~" The Earl's jolly voice called from the other end. "A change of plan~ I don't care about the other two you're following…" _

_Tyki's brown eyes widened in shock and he could almost predict the Earl's next words._

_"I need you to kill Allen Walker~"_

* * *

Allen stumbled, almost losing her footing. No, she couldn't lose it now, not with the Noah so close behind her. She could see it in his eyes when they had run into each other, the downcast look, the blood-lust.

She knew he was going to kill her.

She stopped dead, cursing under her breath as she found herself in a dead end alleyway. "No!" She pressed her hands to the cold wall, hearing to footsteps behind her, and activated her innocence. Whirling around, she snarled at the Noah, holding her arm before her. "Mikk. It's lovely to see you here." She feigned a sweet smile, even as anger and betrayal filled her eyes, darkening them.

"I think differently," Tyki sighed. He didn't want to kill her, but… He _had _to. It was a direct order from the Earl, and she was distracting him. He, as a Noah, was meant to destroy innocence. His goal was to wipe the terrible, horrible human race off of the face of the Earth. He knew what they could do, how they could betray one another without even batting an eyelid. Suman Dark had done it, just because he cared more for himself than the other exorcists. "You know why I am here, Menina."

"To kill me," Allen hissed sharply, stepping forward so her back was no longer pressed to the wall. "I can see it in your eyes, the twisted darkness that consumes you. It's _disgusting."_

Tyki growled, advancing toward her. She snarled in return, her eyes filled with hate and… Tyki's eyes narrowed as he placed the other emotion. Was that _betrayal?_

He stopped, shaking his head. He couldn't care for her, not now, not anymore. She was meant to die. She was tempting him, and he couldn't have that happen. He had to remember his purpose, his goal, before this girl made of white could make him forget. She was just a distraction.

He regained focus and jumped back as she struck at him. How was she still able to activate her innocence? After all of those Akuma he had used to create a distraction she should've been more than worn out. And he had hunted her down, through all of these alleyways. But he could see it; she was tired, but refused to show it. She was trying hard to get enough air, her chest heaving, and her movements were not as fast as they had been earlier.

"You're tired, girl." Tyki smiled cruelly as he again dodged one of her blows, and she growled. "How much longer can you keep this up?"

Allen didn't answer his question, but silently repeated it in her head. How much longer could she keep this up? She glanced up at the Noah, betrayal stinging in her heart. After everything, he was going to kill her. She should've seen it coming and stayed away. She was such an idiot! Like a fool she'd let this happen! She should've known this was going to end so badly!

She let out a startled cry as he darted around to stand behind her, his hand fastening around her throat. She coughed and he pulled her back against him, frowning. "I don't want it activated. Make it easier on yourself, and put away that innocence of yours."

Allen growled, trying to strike him, although she couldn't. He squeezed her throat, cutting off her air. "Put. It. Away," he growled in her ear.

Allen closed her eyes and willed her innocence to revert back into a red arm. As soon as that happened Tyki turned and slammed her into the wall, hand still on her throat. "Good girl. Now, try not to scream too loudly. I would prefer if your friends didn't find you." He reached for her left arm, ignoring her flinch, and released her throat as he gripped her wrist. A simple twist and he had broken her wrist, making sure she couldn't activate her innocence anymore.

Allen let out a shriek at the pain of having her left arm broken. Tyki slammed his hand over her mouth, gold eyes narrowing. _"Don't scream." _The shriek had twisted his heart, and truly, the reason he was asking her not to scream wasn't because he didn't want her friends finding her.

It was because every time she made such a broken sound, another piece of his heart- no matter how cold and black it was- died.

He didn't want to hear such broken screams from his exorcist, screams of pure pain. The only scream he wanted to hear from her was a scream of pleasure, but that wasn't possible, not right now.

He pulled his hand away and she whimpered, her pained silver eyes locked onto her broken wrist. With no support to hold her to the wall she slid down, falling to her knees on the ground. Her mercury eyes flickered up to the Noah, full of panic and fear, and he kneeled before her.

Allen's eyes widened as he reached forward, his hand sinking through her flesh and curling around her heart. "This was what I wanted, all along." He gave it a gentle squeeze, and Allen coughed violently, blood spilling from her mouth, staining her lips dark red. "But I realized how stupid it was. After all, I can't let you or that innocence live."

"You… bastard," Allen choked out, glaring at the Noah with a burning hatred. He was acting like this meant nothing, but she could see through his mask, see it in his eyes. This was killing him, not as literally as it was her, but it was hurting him to do this. When he broke her wrist and she shrieked, she felt him flinch. It was barely a movement, but she could tell. She wasn't stupid.

"I could rip your heart out," he sighed out, meeting her silver eyes, filled with such hatred toward him. He trailed off, withdrawing his hand. "But I'd rather not. After all, where's the fun in that?"

Allen growled, and winced as she jarred her broken wrist, and glanced down at her arm again. She couldn't lose her innocence! She didn't want to lose it. But she highly doubted that the Noah bastard before her would care much.

Tyki's hands moved to her arm, and he could dimly hear her begging him not to take it in a weak and shattered voice. He ignored her as he cruelly ripped it off.

Allen screamed, not shrieked or cried out, _screamed. _The sound rang through the cold, empty alleyways, and tears welled in her eyes before sliding down her cold cheeks. "No, don't take it from me! Please, _please_, don't take it from me!"

She watched in horror and pain as her arm crumbled in Tyki's hands until only her innocence- back in sphere form- remained. She wanted to reach for it, take it before the Noah could destroy it, but found she was unable to move. She just lay there, tears streaking down her cheeks as the Noah crushed her innocence in his hand.

Tyki opened his hand, letting the glowing dust left be taken by the wind, his flashing eyes moving down to Allen's face. Her lips were stained crimson, and blood ran in trails from her mouth to her chin. There were bruises littered across her neck, probably from where he had gripped her, and her eyes were dark. Tears slid down her cheeks, and she watched the dust distantly, silently crying.

Tyki forced back the feeling that he was betraying her, hurting her, and summoned a Tease to his hand. Destroying her innocence wasn't going to kill her. He had to deal the final blow. Allen saw the purple butterfly and tried to get away from him, but couldn't. How could she be so weak? She closed her eyes as Tyki's hand once again sank into her chest, and she felt a sharp pain.

"I got one of my Tease to eat a hole in your heart, so you'll die slowly. Is that okay?"

Allen opened her eyes but didn't look at the Noah. Her darkened eyes remained trained on the dark sky above her, the moon partially blocked by the clouds, allowing only a little light to fall. She slumped, lying down on the cold stone ground, and closed her eyes again, listening as her heart slowed and became fainter.

She was teetering between life and death when Tyki leaned forward; removing the playing cards Joyd had given her from her pocket and took the top button from her exorcists' coat. She was surprised when his lips brushed against her bloodstained ones, but was too tired to show or voice her surprise.

Tyki stayed for a few minutes after her heart beat its last, and her body became cold and lifeless. He had done it, he had killed Allen Walker. It hurt, more than it should've, seeing his exorcist die, hearing her screams and pleas. But he had to do it. She was becoming a distraction, a temptation, and the Earl had ordered it.

He slowly stood, scattering the cards he had given her in miner form over her body, before turning and walking away. He cast one last glance at her body, looking so weak and frail in the alleyway, her white skin nearly glowing in the darkness, before looking away and walking through Road's doors to return to the Ark.

He would forget about her soon enough.

* * *

**And so Tyki killed Allen. :( He's such a bastard. **

**I'm not getting as many reviews as I used to, but that's probably because my story isn't as good as it was. I can see it myself, the way it gets more and more boring every chapter. I also had writers block (always pops up when you don't need it) and I actually still have it. Um... I have a few ideas, but a few more would be appreciated, so please review?**

**Um... Anything else I need to address? I dunno. For the people that are asking if Allen will get pregnant, or was pregnant when Tyki killed her, that's a yes. She'll find out soon enough, and so will Tyki, which will make him feel bad (I think. I never really know when it comes to my ideas, they just run wild). If she still has the child now that she's been killed, I'm not sure. Maybe if you give me your thought on that, whether she should remain pregnant or the child, ya know... died, because she died, or whatever.**

**This was a really long A/N... Sorry...**

**Bye-Bye~**

**CryDon'tSmile **


	8. Chapter 8: Alive and Lost

**Hey~ Back, with the new Chapter 8. This one should be better, so, fingers crossed. ^-^**

* * *

_**Mine From The Start**_

**_Chapter 8: Alive and Lost_**

* * *

Allen slowly opened her dim silver eyes, blinking in confusion as everything around her came into focus, the darkness around the corners of her eyes fading out until she could see almost clearly, with a slight fuzziness hazing around the corners of everything. She stared blankly at the ceiling, taking in every shade of white that streaked across the dull surface. She barely moved, listening to her own heartbeat as it slowly pounded within her chest, feeling her lungs fill with air with every breath she pulled in. Time seemed to be moving so slowly, her mind struggling to comprehend what was happening. She didn't understand… She had been killed, hadn't she? But… now she was still alive. She knew just by the way every breath she took hurt, the way her heart ached with betrayal. This was pain she wouldn't feel if she was dead. She had been stripped of all comfort and trust she had ever felt, and she was so unsure if she could face _him _again. _He _had killed her. The very one who she had begun to trust, began to feel towards…

She should've known it would end like this. Why had she even started to… He fucking _raped _her! God, she felt violated… It was disgusting, the way she'd let him touch her, get near her.

But, at the same time she felt she was… _somewhere else. _Somewhere alien and foreign to her, so weird and unfamiliar. She didn't feel safe there, all sense of comfort she had ever possessed washed away by that dark water in that hellish lake. Crumbling ruins were reflected in the stagnant water, ruins that looked so much like the Order, her home. Seeing it in that state, it could almost break her heart. She didn't need that. She'd suffered enough already, being betrayed so badly by Tyki Mikk. She thought… That- That maybe… _No. Just… **No**. _He'd violated her in ways he shouldn't have, tainted her. She was trying to stay strong, to be the exorcist she was, but even now… All she wanted was to curl up into a ball and cry like a child, cry because of every little thing that had gone wrong. Holding it together was too much for her, she didn't know how much longer she could keep it up, keep smiling as though nothing was wrong.

But… the other place… The red moon had shone down, dimly lighting her surroundings and bathing them in red. She could see someone… someone she knew… L- L…avi? No, no, it wasn't Lavi. Lenalee. It was Lenalee, crying over her corpse. Did she really look like that when she died? Ghostly white, so much more pale than she was, her eyes completely dim and lifeless, grey instead of silver.

Allen's eyes flickered over to a figure standing in the room she hadn't even noticed until now, her silver orbs narrowing as they spoke to her. Who was this? "You know, you're lucky to be alive."

Allen began to speak, to answer to the person in the room, but nothing left her pale lips but a small, choked squeak. She cleared her throat, finding it uncomfortably dry, making it hard to speak or make any sound at all. She coughed again, desperately trying to wet her throat at least a little in attempt to speak, but still nothing. She looked up at the man and tried again, but still no sound other than a cough left her mouth.

"Sorry, sorry." The man took a glass of water off a nearby table, holding it out to her. "It'd be hard to speak after all of that."

Allen eyed the clear liquid in the glass for a second, small silver bubbles shining softly as they rose to the surface, small drips and splashes sounding as the water moved within the glass. She slowly sat up, a slight pain settling in her lower stomach, barely even noticeable. She reached for the glass with her trembling right hand, taking the cup and bringing it to her lips, ignoring it as the water splashed up due to the shaking of her slim fingers. She gulped the cool, tasteless liquid down, thankful as it wet her throat and her voice came back to her. "T-Thank you-… Uh…" She trailed off as she realized she didn't ever get a name. She tilted her head slightly without even meaning to, silently expecting a name from the man.

"Bak." Bak nodded slightly. "Sorry for not saying that earlier. You were very lucky, Allen." He folded his arms across his chest, lips twisting into a frown. The poor girl… She'd been through so much, and the amount of sorrow and pity he felt lined up almost perfectly. The fact that one way or another he was going to add fuel to this already burning flame, whether it was now or later.

Allen looked him over properly, setting down the glass on the bedside table with a thud. He had messy, light-coloured hair that fell over his forehead, almost covering his dark brown eyes. He wore mostly white, and looked quite small, maybe only as tall as Allen herself. She looked him over with calculation in her silver eyes, her lips remaining in a straight line. She looked down to her stomach as she noticed now it wasn't hurting, and her eyes narrowed even more as Bak's eyes flickered to the spot and he frowned deeply, causing a strange emotion she couldn't quite place well in her heart, twisting her insides sharply. "What happened? I… I don't really remember…"

She was lucky she was such a good liar, or she would've been caught out straight away. If her lie had've been called out she would've broken down completely, sobbing and mentally breaking, telling Bak everything. He didn't need to know, he didn't need to have the burden of her problems placed on his shoulders. She would've blurted that she'd been raped, how violated and disgraceful she felt for ever letting it happen, for letting the enemy have his way with her. Even believing that… No. Finishing that sentence wasn't going to happen, anytime soon. Of course she remembered what happened, how could she forget? Killed by _him_, killed by the Noah-… T-… Tyki… Mikk… Even thinking his name was hard, s

"You had a hole in your heart. You were found in an alleyway, barely even alive. There was a hole torn in you heart, by a Noah. At first we didn't understand… How could someone with a hole in their heart still be _alive?" _He trailed off, sighing with an exasperated sound which bordered on pity he still felt gazing upon the girl, who probably believed that she was still keeping up her façade as a male. It was almost amazing. The innocence she once carried in her arm was still with them, remained as a cloud of particles. It had healed the hole, protected her with determination. It wanted to keep her alive, keep her heart beating and her lungs pulling in air. "Your innocence mended the hole, Allen."

"My… innocence…" Allen's eyes widened as her very own scream flashed in her head, the dark, twisted bloodlust in golden eyes the only thing she could see for a few seconds. She shuddered, closing her eyes and holding back a whimper that threatened to tear free from her lips. She forcefully opened her eyes, dreading the next moment that would come to pass as she looked over at her left arm… no, where her left arm _should've _been. Now there was nothing, and again the memory flashed in her mind. The intense pain as her arm was torn from her, as it crumbled within his hands… "I lost my innocence…"

"Well, sort of. It isn't in its usual form… but, it's here. In particles, in the air." Bak shrugged, lips twisting slightly at his way of explaining it. And how he was going to explain how her arm wasn't the only thing she lost… Should he wait…? She would already be in shock, he could see it in the way her lips refused to come out of their frown and her eyes were dark, the way her forehead creased and she looked as though she wanted to scream, but refused to let any emotion out. Adding to that shock but breaking the news quickly could be good, but maybe it was better to wait until later. But even then it would come as a shock, and she'd probably fall back into turmoil, only making it worse…

Allen's brow furrowed and she blinked. "So, it's here… Just not…" she motioned to the stump where her left arm should've been. "_Here." _

Bak nodded, frowning. "Allen… It's hard to explain, but… Your innocence isn't the only thing you lost. You lost something else." His eyes trailed to her stomach again, and he took a deep breath, pausing to think about how he would explain this. His pause travelled for many lasting moments, only serving to make than emotion that bubbled inside of Allen grow stronger, twisting her insides so tight she could scarcely breath. She recognised this feeling now. Panic. She was utterly _panicked._

Bak continued in a more subdued voice, sympathy mingling into his tone to comfort Allen as much as possible. "I know that you aren't a boy. I know you're actually female, and… And you had… a baby, but…" He stopped at the shocked and pained expression on Allen's face, not wanting to add to the burden of the news by finishing the sentence. He skipped a line to lessen the blow, features twisting in concern and sympathy. "I'm so sorry, Allen."

Allen's eyes widened, shock filling her, as well as pain that twisted her heart and made her want to curl up in a ball and cry harder than she ever had before, let everything wash over her and drown her, anything to lessen the pain she felt in this moment. She had a child… but… lost it… And the father… Her voice came out as barely a whisper, raspy and raised an octave as her pain only heightened. "It died…" Her voice broke at the end and she choked back a sob, the backs of her eyes stinging as she held back tears that were moments from spilling over. He had gotten her pregnant… And she'd lost it… It wasn't her fault! Tyki was the one who had… Oh god… How was she going to explain-… She stopped, fury filling her, her heartbeat thrumming faster as her features contorted in a deadly mix of anger and hurt.

_No. _

She didn't have to explain _anything _to that bastard. He had killed her, and her child. She didn't want to see him, she didn't have to see him. She wanted nothing, _nothing, _to do with him. The only time she'd see him was on the battlefield, and no pleasantries would be exchanged. It was war, they would fight. She would kill him for this! But now… she didn't even want to see him, didn't want to have anything to do with the fucking bastard. It hurt, all the pain she had hidden so well rising to the surface, her inner turmoil beginning to show on the outside.

Tears leaked down her cheeks and she covered her face with her right arm, pulling her knees to her chest and keeping them there, making herself as small as possible while still sitting. Bak frowned as she lay back down and curled up into a tiny ball, tears soaking into the sheets that lay around her in a tangled heap. She wished she could curl into herself more, until nothing remained of her, until no emotions existed within this body of hers. A war was fought within her heart and mind, slowly destroying her. All she wanted was to be swallowed by the earth, let back into that blackness she had once felt, where nothing mattered and no emotion was felt. No people, no feelings… Just a peaceful, dark world.

A sob shook her body and she trembled violently, hardly able to breathe as sobs overtook her normal breathing pattern. Bak moved to sit on a chair next to her bed, placing a hand on her shoulder, but pulled it back with wide eyes as she yelled at him, her tone heavy with pain. "Don't touch me!"

Bak watched her helplessly, eyes saddening at the sorrowful sight before him. The poor girl… He wondered if this was too much for her, if she'd ever want to get back up. He was careful with his words, treading carefully on thin ice. Any small thing right now could break Allen completely, make it so she never got up and just wasted away, all emotion fading. "It might've been easier if you said something, Allen. I respect your decision, but… We're you comrades, your friends. You can tell us these things, trust us with anything, anything at all."

Allen sobbed again, curling up tighter in an attempt to become even tinier, whispering more to herself and the child she'd lost than anything. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry…"

Tyki couldn't believe it. Scratch that, he _refused _to believe it. It wasn't true. Something like that couldn't happen. Allen Walker was not _alive. _He had been there when he heart had stopped and all the life had left her petite body. And as much as it hurt, he knew he had to accept it.

But he didn't know how hard it would be.

His heart ached at the thought he could never touch her again, see the bright spark of life in her shining silver, or press his lips against her own soft, pink ones… He couldn't see her in any other way than the fantasies his mind created to torture him, and he hated it. He hated how hard it was to forget her, the feel of her soft skin… Even now, he still wanted her. She haunted him from the grave, all he could see when he closed his eyes was _her. _He'd tried so much… Courting other women, drinking… Nothing worked. She was permanently etched into his mind in a way that was slowly killing him. The guilt he felt whenever he remembered the betrayal in her eyes as the life slowly ebbed out of them… It was eating away at him from the inside. The same words echoed in his head, the words she had used when she pleaded with him to not take her arm, her innocence.

_'No, don't take it from me! Please, _please_, don't take it from me!' _

The scream… The scream she had emitted when he had torn her arm away, now that was what really got to him. That scream was what kept him remembering her, how betrayed and fragile she looked. He always knew that if she were alive she'd hate him. He refused to acknowledge his earlier mistakes, that taking his time and winning her over- or at least trying to- would've been the smarter option, with a better turnout. If she was truly alive… He wouldn't be able to bear the hurt in her eyes, the way she'd ignore him without a single word. He knew Allen, and if she ever saw him again there would be nothing. Nothing but hate and battle, nothing but war and blood. The guilt he would feel over all of it… He didn't think he'd be able to bear that either. What happened? When did he get so… _emotional? _She was an exorcist; it was just how it was. It… It was better off with her dead. Over time he knew he'd completely forget, and everything would go back to normal.

But what the Earl had told him could completely destroy all of that.

He snapped out of his thoughts and looked up at the Earl, eyes narrowed dangerously and stubbornly. She was _not **alive!**_ "No. Allen Walker is not alive. I killed him." That hurt, saying that. He was even more careful with his words than he usually was, referring to her as a boy. He couldn't give away her secret, even when she was dead.

The Earl stood from where he was seated at the table, his inhuman smile widening a fraction, eyes flashing with amusement and frustration behind his glasses. "I assure you, Allen Walker is alive." He chuckled at Tyki's blatant stubbornness, the refusal to believe that Allen could have any life left within that small body. "Believe me, and even if you don't, go have a look for yourself."

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**So, I'm back, and with a new chapter. I... really don't have much to say, so... Yea... Uh, this is awkward...Was it okay? Also, if you care of have the time, please check out my other Poker Pair: This Secret Of Ours. I might work on it a bit more than this one, 'might' being the key word in that sentence. Yea, so please give it a quick once-over, see if you like it and all that. **

**Please review, they keep me writing, ideas and questions are good too, anything is fine. Much appreciated~**

**Bye-Bye~**

**CryDon'tSmile**


	9. Chapter 9: Truth And Lies

**Hey. Okay, if this Chapter makes anyone sad or cry, whoops. ^-^ I was listening to sad music while writing this and I may have started crying because I'm an emotional wreck, and, well... Poor Allen, and poor Tyki even though he's a bastard. **

* * *

_**Mine From The Start**_

_**Chapter 9: Truth And Lies**_

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Allen stared blankly and emotionlessly at the bottle before her with dull eyes, nothing but a slight throb of hurt existing within her. After so long she was still trying to drag herself out of the dark water that she had begun drowning in, and still she couldn't get away from the sadness and hurt that consumed her completely, threatening to cut off all of her air and force her deeper and deeper. After Bak had told her about how he knew her secret, how she'd lost her child… She didn't want to get back up. She didn't want to have to exist anymore, she didn't want any of it. She just felt so violated, dirty, scared. It had all crumbled in a single instant.

If it weren't for Bak and Fou constantly caring for her, trying to lighten the depression she'd slipped into, she wouldn't have been able to get up at all. She barely had any energy, and she tossed and turned all night instead of sleeping, scared for what would happen if she wasn't awake. She lost every shred of appetite she'd once had and ceased eating; only having small amounts that Bak patiently coaxed her into consuming. Because of this her weight and body size dropped drastically, becoming much thinner than she ever was. Fou kept her training, despite the times she fell to her knees sobbing, breaking down completely and screaming that she couldn't do it anymore. Everything just crumbled in on top of her all at once, problems piling on top of each other.

Everything she'd kept hidden so well, every single emotion and every little bit of pain she'd bottled away, it all rose to the surface to completely destroy her. Bak had offered to tell the others her secret, and she had thrown herself at him in a fit of pure rage, screaming that he couldn't, that he wasn't allowed to. Bak held her back by the shoulders while she continuously punched his chest with her one hand, screaming at him and threatening him. She had to keep her secret hidden; she couldn't let the others know. If they knew… They'd never trust her again, they'd all leave her, and they'd never look at her the same way again. She'd be treated differently, much, much differently. Bak seemed insistent that he tell, and with tears forming in her dull grey eyes Allen threatened him with the worst blackmail she could come up with.

"I know you stalk Lenalee! I'll tell Komui!"

Bak was horrified at the very thought of it, and immediately told Fou- the only other one to know Allen's secret- to not tell anyone. He couldn't risk Komui knowing about his little hobby, because his precious Lenalee was off limits to anyone.

And so here Allen was now, taking Cross's example and drinking, something she'd never done until now. She wanted something, anything, to lessen the hurt that resided within her heart, darkening her system with hate. She kept staring at the bottle of the vile liquid, gently stroking her newly upgraded left arm- Crown Clown- with her thin right hand, lips twisting into a slight frown at how thin she really was. Had she lost that much weight? She mentally thanked Bak for being so patient when trying to get her to eat, or talk, or get up. She'd snapped at him so many times… she felt so guilty about it. She really didn't mean to, she never meant to… He seemed to know her limits better than she did, and never brought up her… child, or how she'd gotten pregnant in the first place. That was something she never wanted to tell, especially not to her friends or comrades. It would land her in a world of trouble, and only make things worse than they already were.

She rubbed her forehead tiredly, ignoring the pain that she had once again pushed back into the darkest corner of her heart. She was going to hide the part of her that wanted to scream and cry, for the sake of her own sanity and everyone around her. She fiddled with the shining button on her exorcist coat, frowning when her gaze dropped to her stomach, the pain refreshing itself in her mind. What if's came forth in her mind and she closed her eyes tightly, biting down on her lip hard enough to draw blood and skimming her hand over the table infront of her, relishing in the feeling of the cold glass skimming against her fingertips. She wrapped her fingers around the bottle, lifting it to her lips and hesitating slightly before drinking it, enjoying the fire it ignited in her throat and stomach. She'd almost finished the bottle by now, and other than making it a little easier to push back her pain and ide her tears it had barely made a difference.

She put her hands on the table and pushed herself up, placing a hand on her head and taking a shaky breath. _It's all okay, you're fine. You won't break down, not again. You can keep this under control. _She straightened her posture, standing tall, chin raised for a second before her head dropped again. She left her compartment on the train, aimlessly wandering up and down the passageways, head bowed and ands clenched into fists by her side. She unbuttoned her exorcist coat, looking at it for a moment before buttoning it back up again, doing anything to keep her mind and body busy.

Tyki glanced out of the cracked open door of the compartment he and his companions were in, eyes narrowing. God, was whoever that was just wandering up and down the hallways like a complete idiot? He'd seen their black-clad figure more than once now, and it was on the verge of getting on his nerves. He stood, motioning with his head to the door to warn his companions he was leaving, before pulling open the door and leaning against the wall next to it, folding his arms across his chest.

He glanced down the hall, and his brown eyes widened with disbelief and recognition. _No. There was no way in _hell…

Allen Walker?

She was much thinner than he last remembered, and paler too, unhealthily pale. She had slight hollows beneath her cheekbones, and all in all she looked gaunt and haggard. Her eyes had dark smudges beneath them, and were no longer the bright silver they used to be, instead being a dull, flat grey. She had her chin tucked down, eyes trained on her hand, which fastened and unfasted one of the shining buttons on her exorcist coat restlessly. She looked fragile, like just one push could shatter her, as though she was a porcelain doll. His eyes trailed over her overly thin figure and to her left arm… which was still there. Hadn't he… destroyed it? Surely it should've been gone. Scratch that, se should've been _dead. _He couldn't deny the joy and surprise he felt at seeing her, but also the guilt. She looked _terrible, _like she hadn't slept or eaten in weeks, which made sense considering she'd been killed, but wasn't dead. How was she even _alive? _

He reached out when she moved to stride past him, grabbing her upper right arm. She jerked away from him at the sudden contact, looking up at him with wide, scared eyes, chest falling and rising quickly. She must've been really scared to be so frightened by just a touch to the arm, and as she stared up at him with wide, dull eyes, he could see pain buried deep within them. He raised his hands in apology, giving her a soft smile. "Sorry Allen, I didn't mean to scare you."

Allen shook her head, smiling as much as she could without it hurting. "No, it's fine." She tried to force her lips into a smile that looked more like an expression of happiness rather than a grimace, but found she was unable to do so. She sighed and dropped her eyes, moving to walk back to her compartment. "I have to go. It was nice seeing you, Joyd."

"Uh-uh-uh." Tyki caught Allen's arm again, prohibiting her from going any further. He couldn't mistake the smell that lingered on her breath, sweet and strong, proving that she'd been… drinking? It didn't seem like Allen to drink, especially if she dealt with Cross a few years. Allen looked up at him like a deer caught in headlights, guilt flashing in her eyes. Tyki stared sternly down at her, raising an eyebrow behind his glasses. "Have you been _drinking?" _

Allen didn't even try to lie, not knowing if she was up to it. "Yes," she murmured uncertainly, pulling her arm away again. "I need to go." She began walking back to her compartment, ignoring Joyd as he followed her. Folding her arms across her chest she growled under her breath, eyes narrowing with annoyance. She pulled open the door violently, and was about to slam it closed when Joyd caught it.

Tyki pushed open the door and walked in, eyeing the almost empty bottle that sat on the small table. His eyes narrowed with wonder and worry, and he closed the door behind him, sitting down and pulling Allen to sit next to him. With a quick swipe of his hand he pushed the bottle to the far end of the table, staring at Allen through his glasses. Allen squirmed under his gaze, refusing to meet his eyes as her shoulders slumped almost hopelessly. She looked so sad like this, like she'd lost all hope a long, long time ago.

Allen didn't meet Joyd's eyes, even though she could feel his stare burning into her. She knew it was just because he cared that he wanted to know, but she didn't want to say anything about it. She was okay keeping this to herself, she was fine on her own. She didn't need the help of anyone around her, stranger or friend, comrade or enemy. Her… de-flowering and death was something she could live with if she kept it hidden. She'd masked pain for so, so long, and she could still do it now. Her secret was slipping, but she knew Bak and Fou wouldn't tell, neither would Cross. But honestly, she couldn't care that much anymore. She didn't care at all. Her emotions had been restricted to pain and sadness, guilt and violation. She felt disgusting after all of it, that she'd let that happen to her. It was disgusting, horrible…

All her fault…

She didn't even realize she was crying until Joyd shook her shoulder, bringing her back to reality. "Allen, is there something you aren't telling me? You can, if you want to…"

Allen raised a hand to her cheek, finding liquid resting there and slowly leaking down to her chin, before dripping onto her lap and soaking into the fabric of her coat. She swiped an arm over her eyes in a vain attempt to seem like she was still okay, when she knew her façade was completely broken, and her mask had split and dropped. Not once had she confided with another over her problems, and it was starting to destroy her. A great pressure was being put on her heart, a weight rested on her shoulders which she wasn't sure she could handle.

Without any warning Allen threw her arms around Tyki, hugging him tightly and burying her face in his chest, body shaking as she sobbed violently. The sound was broken and pitiful, like everything had just crumbled in on top of her and all she could do was cry. He could feel the salty liquid that leaked from her eyes soaking into his shirt, but he couldn't care less as he wrapped his arms around her thin figure, trying his best to comfort her. "Allen, tell me what happened."

"I-I'm so… sor-rry…" She struggled to talk over her tears, choking on her words as she lost all control of her breathing, taking quick gasps of air as she sobbed. "I li-ed to y-you, about m-my gend-der." She struggled to calm down and even out her breathing, but failed miserably.

Tyki took over for her, stopping her from speaking and trying to let her calm down a little before continuing. "So you're a girl?"

"Y-Yes," Allen sobbed, voice mumbled because of her face being buried in his chest. She felt Joyd's hand rest on her head, gently stroking her hair in a calming manner, comforting her. "I-I tried so _h-hard _to not break do-own, but even after all of th-this…" She took a deep breath, still struggling with her words. Now that she'd released one lie, even if it was to a stranger, she just wanted to tell him everything, just to try and ease the pressure on her heart that threatened to drag her back into the cold darkness. "I-I tried to stop it… But I coul-dn't! I should've fought ba-ck, b-but I didn't, and he…" she choked on her words again, hands fisting in Joyd's shirt as she shook even more. "He raped me…" she mumbled flatly, more tears somehow welling in her eyes. "I begged him to s-stop, I tried… but I fucked up! I just feel so… v-violated, I'm so scar-red, I never meant for any of this to happen! I can't sleep, I can't eat, I struggle to just get up when I wake back up!" She sobbed harder, swallowing dryly and trying to even out her breathing once again, failing miserably. Darkness began to raise from her heart, dying it an inky black that would forever taint her, making her feel like she would never get better and she would never want to wake up again.

Tyki stayed completely silent, heart hammering guiltily within his chest. _He'd _done this to Allen, the one he cared for more than _anyone_. Her next words only made it worse, making him look away from her and out the window at the dark night, sadness welling inside of him. "I don't even want to live anymore…"

Allen sobbed her heart out, uncaring as to whether Joyd knew her secrets or not. Anything to make this a little better, make it a little easier to withstand. "He k-killed me, because I'm an Ex-xorcist…" She thought of the child she'd lost once again, and the urge to scream until her voice broke and she was sick arose, and she took a deep breath. "And I… w-was preg-gnant because of h-h-him…"

Tyki's heart stopped completely, eyes widening in sheer horror. No… No, she couldn't be saying that. His whole body froze in time with his heart, and he was so grateful that Allen was too caught up in her meltdown to notice. He felt something akin to tears burn in the backs of his eyes, his breaking heart becoming overwhelmed by guilt and sadness. If she was pregnant because of him, and he'd killed her… There was no way the baby would still be… The tears that threatened to come forth burned hotter, making him blink fiercely to get rid of them, just so he didn't cry when he was in his white form, because Allen wouldn't understand, not when he wasn't Tyki but instead Joyd. He found it hard just to swallow and breathe, and he tried to force words from his lips, but found he couldn't. His lips were twisted into a permanent frown, and he hugged Allen tighter as she sobbed again, finishing her sentence even though she didn't have to. "I lost the b-baby…" She sobbed again, forcing the last few words from her lips. "It di-ied."

Tyki closed his eyes, hugging her close to his chest and resting his chin on her head, running his fingers through her white hair. "I'm so sorry, Allen." Of course she wouldn't realise it was him- the Noah him, Tyki- apologizing for everything he'd done, but he still was. He thought about the child he'd accidentally killed, and swallowed dryly, closing his eyes tighter and forcing back tears he wanted to cry.

_I'm sorry for everything… Even though I know sorry isn't enough._

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**Well... This is what happens when you let me write sad things... I don't have much to say, as per usual, but did get the idea from a few reviews and a PM sent to me by Ana Shadow-Wolf (Did I get that right?) I hope it all worked out well and made sense in this chapter, and that it gave you a clear enough idea of everything that's happening to poor Allen and everything that happened back in the Asian Branch. **

** Allen was drinking... o.O Whaa...? **

**Anyways, please review and give me your thought, ideas, question, anything. It's always appreciated. I'll have the next chapter out as soon as I've finished, and I don't really know when that'll actually be. **

**Bye-Bye~ **

**CryDon'tSmile**


	10. Chapter 10: Suffer

**Chapter 10, because I felt I needed to make Tyki suffer.**

**Feel free to tell me if he needs to suffer even more.**

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_**Mine From the Start**_

_**Chapter 10: Suffer**_

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_What the fuck have I done…? _

Tyki lay flat on his back, staring up at the dark ceiling with an arm thrown over his head, eyes half-lidded as he drew imaginary patterns with his eyes. He drew in his breaths slowly and deliberately, closing his eyes and exhaling heavily. It had never been so hard to breathe, something he had done so naturally until now. His chest was tight, and it felt like his lungs had been closed off except for a tiny gap, where just the slightest slips of air could get through. His room was dim, the sheet beneath him crinkled and thrown lazily to one side, as he couldn't find the energy or time to make it.

Even though he had all the time he needed to complete a task so simple.

He wore nothing but a pair of pants, and sighed heavily as he closed his eyes, a sharp sting in his chest the only thing he could feel. Everything else was just… numb, and cold… He wanted to be close to the young Exorcist, but he knew he couldn't be near her… Damn Allen Walker, the way he couldn't forget her and felt so bad for hurting her the way he did. Seeing her sobbing in his arms- an emotional and mental wreck- broke his heart. He wanted her forgiveness, he wanted to try and get her to not see him as a creature to despise, but knew that no matter how hard he tried there wasn't a chance of that. Allen Walker would forever hate him, there was no doubt about it in his sorrow-overtaken mind. He'd destroyed every chance of ever being able to get along with the young exorcist, even going so far as to rape and then kill her…

And his own child…

Hot tears burned beneath his closed lids, welling across his lashes, and he moved his arm to instead cover his eyes as the droplets gathered, slipping out from beneath his eyelids and flowing down his cheeks in a steady stream that displayed the sadness that flowed through him, invaded every crevice in his heart and soul.

How could he have been so fucking _stupid?! _

He had never, ever meant to kill his own child; never in a millennium would he mean to do something so terrible. He was heartbroken that it had ever happened and that he could put poor Allen through something like that. When she had been sobbing into him, admitting everything that had been going wrong for her, all he really wanted was to apologize and beg for forgiveness, cry over everything he'd messed up to prove he wasn't the heartless monster she saw him as. He could tell just by the look in Allen's eyes that she blamed everything he had done on herself, made it so she was the reason everything was falling around her, when really everything was _his_ fault, and that _he_ was the one who deserved to feel all of the sadness _he_ had placed upon her. Her eyes had lost every spark that once resided within them, the sparks that made them so bright and lively, and her lips could barely pull up into a smile even when she tried… She just looked terrible. She was so, so thin; proving that she'd barely eaten for quite a while. The dark smudges under her eyes couldn't have been hidden even if she tried her hardest, and the way she bowed her head in utter defeat and her shoulders slumped so hopelessly…

He'd done _all _of that. He'd forced Allen past her breaking point and shattered her, made her just a shell of the determined and strong-willed exorcist he had once known her as. He felt so cold and terrible when he'd seen that, when he'd finally realized how horrible he'd been, how awfully persistent and forceful he must have seemed to her.

Forget 'must-have'; _he was!_

This guilt and sadness was what he deserved. He deserved to suffer over what he'd done to Allen, how he'd broken her like that. He could only hope that she'd be okay, that she'd pick herself back up. Maybe then she could end his suffering herself, kill him with her newly upgraded innocence, which had somehow survived its destruction. Right at the minute, that was all he wanted. He doubted he could make it up to Allen, and even if he could it would take a very long time, and be very, very hard. Being forgiven for a pain and sin like that… just didn't happen.

He wiped his arm over his eyes and face, removing the tears that rested there glistening, taking a shaky breath to hold back the rest and opening his eyes to once again stare at the ceiling. He was sure that soon he would be required to join the family for dinner, but right at the moment- this moment that ticked on for endless hours- he didn't want to get up and have to face his family. He didn't even want to get up. He just felt utterly miserable, and barely had the energy to drag himself out of bed, even though he'd done nothing but lay there. There was no doubt they'd notice- well, all except for the twins and Skinn- and Road would ask questions. Then Sheryl would step in, trying to drive him into a corner so he'd slip up and admit to something he should probably keep secret. Then the Earl would get involved, and that would no doubt gain him the attention from everyone on the table, and only raise more questions. He didn't think withstanding that kind of pressure would happen for him right now, and he'd probably throw something breakable or hard- hopefully hitting those stupid twins- before storming out of the room. It wouldn't surprise him in the least.

His gold eyes hardened and flashed angrily as a sharp and somewhat refined knock sounded on the door, leading him to believe he knew exactly who the person knocking was. _Sheryl… _He slowly forced himself into standing- a feat on its own- before grudgingly making his way over to the door and twisting the knob, flinging it open over-dramatically. Just like he thought, it was his older brother who stood at the door, raising an eyebrow and fixing him with a bemused look. Tyki leaned in the doorway and Sheryl gazed over his attire, sighing. "You could at least wear a shirt."

Tyki simply stared at his brother, not moving to get a shirt, blinking slowly to reveal he didn't actually care about what he was being told. Instead he ran a hand through his dark hair, pushing it away from his face only to let it fall back again, covering the black crosses that lay across his forehead. He swallowed the guilty lump in his throat and pushed back his sorrow just so Sheryl didn't see it, trying to forget the darkness that was trying to drag him down for just a second. "What do you want?" he snapped after a few moments silence, temper wearing thin quite quickly. "Or are you just here to force me to stand at the door for longer than I have to?"

Tyki's eyes narrowed as Sheryl shook his head, his smile beginning to split his face. "Such a shame about Allen Walker, don't you think?"

Tyki tensed, eyes narrowing a fraction more. For now he would play the clueless act, pretend he didn't know anything about the white-haired exorcist. "What about Allen Walker?" He folded his arms across his chest and took a step back, providing space between the two of them, only for Sheryl to step forward and invade it.

Sheryl laughed, refined posture and attitude giving way for a fraction of a second, before he straightened and sighed. "Honestly Tyki, playing the dumb act? Do not try and fool me." Sheryl knew more than enough about his brother and the exorcist with the mercury orbs, enough by far. After that day when Road had been bugging Tyki constantly, when his brother had been thinking about something that didn't seem to relate to anything… Well, he'd decided to do a little bit of… _investigating. _He had more than enough information now.

Tyki refrained from clenching his fists, tilting his head to the side slightly. "Fool you? I'm not sure if I know what you're talking about, Sheryl." There was no way his brother could know _anything _about him and Allen Walker, no way in hell. He hadn't said anything, he hadn't slipped up, and he hadn't even mentioned the exorcist unless required or talking about a mission or plan of some sort. If Sheryl knew… He doubted Allen would have to worry about what she was suffering through anymore, unless they decided to use her for information, or worse; torture her…

Sheryl raised an eyebrow again, giving his brother an amused smirk. He could clearly see the worry and panic in his gold eyes that he was trying so hard to hide, probably imagining the horrible things they could do to that poor exorcist. Although… breaking Allen Walker's bones sounded like quite the bit of fun… "Oh don't worry, brother. We aren't going to hurt her. _You_ already did that."

Tyki's head snapped up, eyes wide. The game was up, there was no way Sheryl could just be randomly guessing that 'her' was the right description for Allen. Sheryl didn't just _guess. _Dear god… He didn't see the point in lying anymore, but still managed to keep his voice straight and even as the cover-up lies rolled off his tongue. "Her? I think you're getting your genders mixed up, Sheryl. Allen's male, just in case you hadn't figured that one out yet."

Sheryl's smile lessened until his lips were pressed into a straight line, eyes narrowing. "Give it up. The others might not know, but I do. I know Allen Walker's little _secret, _I know what you've done with her. To think she used to be such a fine young lady…"

Tyki wasn't going to lie, he knew there was no way to cover this up anymore. Sheryl knew everything, and how, he wasn't sure. The perverted bastard knew about what he'd done to the poor girl, how he'd broken her. He wasn't sure if he would know about the child, about how she had been pregnant and he'd… He cut his own thoughts off there, the familiar feeling of hurt refreshing itself in his heart and mind. Why did this hurt so much? He shouldn't have ever fallen so stupidly for the young, white-haired exorcist. "Go away." Tyki hissed coldly, turning his face and head away from his brother's gaze, refusing to even look at him. "Leave."

"And why would I do that?" Sheryl knew he was being a little harsh, but he wouldn't just trust in Allen's hatred for Tyki to make him realize he'd done something terribly wrong. He knew if he told the Earl the punishment would probably be worse, but… For now _he _wanted to scold his brother over this, made sure he remembered never to have an affair like this with those who were supposed to be the enemy _ever_ again. "I could almost feel sorry for the poor girl… She seemed so sad and heart-broken… I guess it's what she gets though."

"Shut. Up. _Now_." Tyki growled, clenching his hands into fists by his sides. "_Go. Away." _He clenched his jaw and grit his teeth in an effort not to yell or act violently. Pain pierced straight through him, taking away his breath and making him want to double over in pain, sink into darkness over what he'd done wrong, cry because of what he'd lost so easily. To think that the Third Child, Noah of Pleasure, with the power of Choice, could have something slip through his fingers like that. He didn't like the feeling of losing what could have been his.

Sheryl turned to leave, deciding that enough was enough, considering the pain his brother seemed to be in. Tyki refused to meet his eyes, refused to turn his head, his dark, curly hair falling to shield his face from view. His tone was bitter and cold, warning Sheryl that he was on the verge of losing it completely. Sheryl stopped after a few steps, looking back for just a second before his brother closed the door. "Oh, and I know about the baby. Well done, brother. You've broken an exorcist, and killed your own child doing it." He left without another word, remembering on his way that he had a few papers to complete within the next few days.

Tyki slammed the door, smashing his fist uselessly against the wood before turning and pressing his back to it, sliding down to sit on the floor, knees pulled up as he rested his arms on them. All he could feel was a bitter, cold ice that filled him, leaving him numb and emotionless. Damn his brother and his words, cutting straight to the bone and inflicting so much damage, damage that didn't even show. He knew _everything, _absolutely _everything, _and if he told the _Earl… _

Tyki rested his forehead on his bare arms, closing his eyes and sulking, memories of everything that had gone wrong all invading his mind at once. Sheryl's words haunted his mind, slowly driving him insane with the pain that laced the words, poison that could kill him on its own.

_'Well done, brother. You've broken an exorcist, and killed your own child doing it.' _

Tears once again found their way to his eyes and slipped down his cheeks and he pulled his knees a little closer, crying openly into his arms, nothing but hatred and sorrow filling his mind. He had done this; it was all his fault, _all his fault! _They were both suffering now- exorcist and Noah- just because of his irrational and stupid moves. He wished he could rewind time, he wished he could fix the mistakes he had made, fix the darkness which made a home within his heart and the sadness that took over Allen's body. He wished he'd never gotten Allen pregnant, or at least never killed his own child in cold blood. He wished that everything could just go back to how it was, back when they didn't know each other as well, he didn't know her secret. Then everything would be different, everything would be okay.

He never meant to screw up this badly…

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**Sheryl is now evil...**

**I had to do that. ^-^**

**So there's Tyki's suffering for you, he even cried, because he deserved it. Plus I thought it would be a nice idea.**

**Review, follow, favorite? It is very much appreciated, and makes me very happy when I look at my mail to find I've gained a few followers and had a few reviews sent to me. :) Thankyou. That's all for now, My Dears, so until the next time I update~**

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**Bye-Bye~**

**CryDon'tSmile**


	11. Chapter 11: The New Allen Walker

**Hahaha… Yea na… Na… Nope.**

**I'm lost…**

**Help me…**

**...**

**That is legitimately how I started this chapter. By typing that. To see if it would ease my writer's block. It didn't. Because I typed that a long, long time ago. BUT GUESS WHAT?! A NEW CHAPTER! ISN'T THAT EXCITING!? I DID IT! I DID ITTTTTTT!**

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_**Mine From the Start**_

_**Chapter 11: The New Allen Walker**_

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Allen didn't understand. Some part of her foggy mind screamed at her, screamed the answer to her pain, but she couldn't comprehend it. She just couldn't see through that thin veil of black that now cut of her emotions from the outside. Pouring her heart out to Joyd, crying into his arms like a weak child, that had been her lowest low. Never had she suffered so much, hurt so much… It was pitiful. That was why she hid it now. She was emotionless. Her skin was drained of color and so were her eyes, leaving them plain grey, no longer any hint of the beautiful silver and blue that had once touched them with their radiance. Gone. Gone. _Gone._ Everything was gone. She was dead, but alive. She was a shell. She was broken within, but unbreakable on the outside. Would her friends notice the change? Of course they would, what was she thinking? Her friends would easily notice that her once bubbly and shining demeanour had become dull and lifeless, pulled by nothing but some spark of a will ignited by Mana's words to her so many years ago.

Mana.

Mana's death.

That was the only thing that could possibly compare to the foolish agony that twinged in her chest now. It was over. Her happiness, it was over. That was what the darker part of her heart and mind now told her. She could pretend as much as she wanted, but now she was just what she had always been.

Nothing.

An infant.

A waif on the streets with no love or care.

Her soul, shattered. Her mind, clouded. Her heart, broken. Her body, a shell. Her voice, monotone. Her eyes, dull. _Her_, lifeless. She had to wonder, would she ever see him again? Would he face her after everything? Or would she face him? She wasn't sure if she could even look at him without falling into a dark abyss and curling up on the ground in an onslaught of hot tears that had seemed endless over the past few days. A few days. That was all she got. Bak had given her a few days to gather her thoughts and pull it all together; he let her roam free as she pleased- to some extent. They had kept tabs on her. After killing that Level 3, her innocence was regained. Crowned Clown. God's Clown. Crown Clown for short, they had decided. After killing that Akuma she had taken the offer to get out, taking the train, not knowing where she was going but going anyway.

_If you ever lose sight of your path, look for the destination in your heart._

What heart? What, the crumbling shell that slowly just faded to black and turned to ash as flames consumed it from within? The heart that kept beating even though it hurt every time? That heart?

Her new black arm… she wasn't sure whether she loved it or despised it. Maybe both. She despised how much she loved it. It was the only one there for her now. She had no family. Her friends… how could she trust them? She couldn't trust anyone anymore. Trust was foreign and alien, she wasn't even sure if it was a word as it rolled of her tongue as though she was trying to speak another language.

Bak had noticed it, Fou had noticed it; _everyone had noticed it. _They didn't try to console her. It was the same every time. She only gave them a simple, carefree flick of the wrist, looked them dead into the eyes as she lied straight to their faces without guilt. Then a brief smile that only came forth for split-second. And then _those_ words. The words her life seemed to have been based off.

_I'm fine._

It was all a system. One step after another. First, smile. Second, speak in a strong voice. Third, tell then you're fine. But still, they didn't believe her. But they could evoke no other emotional response unless they ignited the pain again with cruel words or agonizingly torturous memories, and none of them were game enough to commit such acts. Sometimes Allen wished they would. Sometimes she wished they would just ignite the fury and hatred that burned through her veins like hot acid and lit her soul on fire, made her feel _alive. _Maybe she would feel that again at Edo? Maybe if she saw… him… the Millennium Earl… anyone… Maybe she could feel alive again? Even in her mind, as she tried to force it into a hopeful statement, it became a doubtful question. The true synonym to life. A doubt. A question. A hope crushed by the cruel reality. Parents taught their children to play fair, to share with the others and be kind. Allen was glad she never had true parents. She would never want to be taught that. It was saddening to see children sent out into the world only to discover how _un_fair the world was, and how nothing would ever turn in their favour unless they forced it, and that force would have repercussions. There were ramifications for everything. _Everything. _Allen would know. How she had lived all of her years told her.

Allen stared straight into the mirror, peering into the reflective glass and into her own eyes, trying to recognize herself through the dark shadow dancing within them, feeding off her fear and misery. The dull, grey glass that filled her irises now was all she was. But she had a duty. The clean, somewhat heavy, coat and pants she wore now said all of that. Black, lined with silver… Why were the Exorcists' uniforms so dark? She had a gold earring attached to her ear, and her eyes moved to lock onto the mark crossing over her eye, the pentagram and the thick red lines that scarred her face until the day she would die. Cursed. Cursed child. Monster. _Demon._

Those memories did nothing to her anymore. She had severed all emotional connection. With a quick adjustment to her coat and a brief once-over in the mirror- all while avoiding meeting her own eyes- she nodded, snow-white hair swaying and fluttering with the motion. She was ready. She would go now. She would go out and meet the others, use the Ark gate that demon she had freed told her to. Slowly she walked out and moved to stand by Bak's side stiffly, not even reacting slightly when Bak touched her elbow and smiled at her reassuringly, staring at the gate before her. She didn't miss the slight bit of hurt that touched Bak's face when she blatantly ignored him, and a small well of grief began to pool in her chest, before she quickly pushed it away to a dark corner where it would have to be dug out with a knife to resurface. Her emotions were buried that deep. And by the time that knife had found it's mark, she would be long gone, faded into blackness. As she stared up into the Ark gate she muttered a few words, keeping her ties to emotion broken and unravelled.

"God must hate me…"

Her back became rigid when Komui's voice crackled through her wireless, the gold earring she had. She fleetingly skimmed over his 'hello' and cheery greetings, answering in a flat tone, devoid of any pitch. "Yes, Komui, hello. Am I all good to go?"

This gate would be the one to bring her to Edo to help her friends with her newly upgraded innocence. This gate would be the one to help her in her quest to defeat the Millennium Earl and the Noah Clan, the very monsters she despised with all of her heart. A look of nonchalance fell onto her face, pale and cracked lips pressed into a straight line. Never again would she reveal her emotions like she had to Joyd. Never again. Not to her friends, not to her enemies, not to any stranger. Her emotions were _her_ burdens. Everything was to be _her _burden.

Komui's voice harshened a little at her blunt and punitive reply, and Allen could almost hear the frown in the Asian man's voice. "If you're ready, I'm ready. Be careful, Allen."

Allen nodded curtly and began her way up the steps that lead to the gate, a strange sense of ease welling in her stomach and flowing throughout her nerves as she neared the entrance, leaving her slightly confused as she paused just before it and let this feeling wash over her in comforting waves, lapping away at the problems she had and slowly drawing them out as though they were some kind of dangerous poison. She turned her head to peer over her shoulder, seeing the others were smiling and wishing her luck, and in reply she gave them a momentary smile before turning back to the gate, slowly reaching forward to step through. "I'm going now, Komui. I'll talk to you again if I get through."

She slowly let herself be devoured by the gate and let the strange sense of ease flow over her like soothing water, comforted and undisturbed.

That was, until she saw one of the things she dreaded most.

A Tease.

The butterfly simply hovered near her, small and black with the designs in its wings moving as it flapped to stay in the… air, Allen guessed. She didn't really know with this portal-like transition, bathed in purple. It seemed to mean no harm towards her, just casually floated beside her as though it was watching her, and she could almost feel the curiosity that ebbed from the small creature. Maybe it could feel the afflictions she had with its master. Allen ignored it, letting her eyes drift shut for a brief moment and keeping them closed until a bright light pierced her eyes even through her eyelids, coaxing her into opening her eyes.

All she saw…

Was white.

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**Yes, a short chapter, I know, BUT A CHAPTER. I DID IT. XD You cannot fathom the joy I feel at knowing I can finally update. This makes me so very happy. I love all of you guys, so, so much, and I felt bad for not being able to give you the chapter you wanted and instead posting those dreaded and god-awful Author's Notes. I am glad to be back, glad to be back on track, and finally I- CryDon'tSmile- am pulling my shit (mind the language ^-^) together and getting on with this. My hiatus... is on-and-off, currently. That broken laptop is a pain, but I keep procrastinating and it never gets fixed. Sad, really. But I will try and update. This was my main story to get on with, and I am so happy that I have.**

**Now, as that is being said, I am making edits to earlier chapters, so just read them again for me please~ (Edit's dated October 10th, 7:18 PM) Thank you~ I'm just trying to improve my writing, is all. **

**PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review, I really wanna see a review from all of you guys this time, I love getting reviews and it makes me sad when I don't get many because I feel like I'm failing you. Pessimistic much, aye? If you're new around these parts or haven't done so already, take the time to just simply click a few times and follow and favorite this story. To me, an author, the little things like that mean the world. Those things are what keep us writing. Good feedback and a few more fans to go with. A package deal; but really it's more like a present. :)**

**So, My Dears, I'm ever so glad to be back with you, and stay tuned for the next chapter to come out and any other stories of mind that might update. I'll try not to keep you waiting this time, hehe. I feel bad about that so maybe it'll get be back into swing. Sorry for how short the chapter is but an idea struck and I needed to get something out for you. Hopefully not too many mistakes in it, heh.**

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**Bye-Bye~ **

**CryDon'tSmile**


	12. Chapter 12: The Ark

**Yay, I decided to get off my ass (but I sat while I wrote this...) and type up the next chapter. I finally have my laptop back, have for a couple days now, and so I decided I'd put another chapter together for you guys, coz I love you all for following and supporting my work.**

_When the text is written in all italics like this, it's Allen's little flashback thingy. Just writing this to make sure. Love ya~ 3_

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_**Mine From The Start**_

_**Chapter 12: The Ark**_

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Of all the things Allen Walker had expected…

This was most definitely the least.

She knew she had been travelling to Noah's Ark, she knew she would have to be careful, but… This couldn't be it… Could it? She cocked a brow in bemusement, scanning her surroundings and waving away the little black butterfly that kept trying to land on her. "Oh, get lost," she hissed at the small creature, which just idly flapped it's wings where it was already hovering, not moving. She scowled at it, beginning to walk instead.

"Allen?" Komui's voice entered her ear, and she froze on the spot as was reminded that the Asian man could hear her. "Who are you telling to get lost?"

"It's nothing, sir," Allen replied. "Only a butterfly." She sent a cold glare at said butterfly, which again tried to settle on her shoulder, Allen brushing it away with a hand, knocking it out of balance and sending it fluttering wildly for a moment, before waiting for it to settle and pointing at it with her left hand in warning. _I can destroy you, and I will. _

But… she couldn't help but ask a pressing question aimed to her own self; was that message really for the butterfly, or someone more closely related to it?

"A butterfly…?" Komui questioned, and even through the grating wireless Allen could hear the confusion and anticipation in his voice. "Never mind that, report to me what you're seeing."

Allen looked around with intrigued grey eyes. "What I'm seeing…" she repeated quietly, eyes absorbing her surroundings. She was seeing… so much white… It was easy to say that this place revolted her to her very core but at the same time loosened her tense muscles and awoke some light part of her mind she hadn't been familiar with in along time. _Home. _The word flitted across her mind like a ribbon in the wind, and immediately she shook her head and grit her teeth. She was an _Exorcist. _How dare she think of a place like _Noah's Ark _as home?

Noah's Ark… wasn't at all what she expected. A place where monsters lived. A place where the people who must've come from hell resided and plotted, as a family, all of them. How many were there anyways? But nonetheless, she knew she must not mistake this beautiful place for anything other than the pit it was. She expected it to be… darker here, violent and bloodied, tainted with the souls of so many Exorcists and Finders lost to battle. Why wasn't it like that?

Because they were monsters who looked human, and this place was their den, just as in disguise as the Noah themselves.

It was so pure, so white it was almost blinding to just look at it, the houses neatly arranged and beautifully built and paths flat and straight, lined on either side with those white houses. When Allen gazed up she could see a large tower in what she supposed was the very centre of the Ark. The whole place was so intricate and magnificent, it almost made her forget who it was that lived here, and that she had to watch her step as she began walking again, the butterfly idly hovering along behind her, barely even flapping it's patterned wings as it settled into a lazy glide above the ground.

She began to speak to Komui, still looking around, almost afraid that her shoes would leave tracks or if she touched anything it would leave a stain and ruin the so-called 'purity' of this place. Too bad the Noah has stained it with their presence. This place would be truly astounding if it weren't for those parasites. "I see… White. The Ark is white. The paths, the buildings… Everything is white. Well," she looked down at the potted plants that occupied some of the spaces beside the buildings, a brilliant, thriving green, "almost. The plants- they're pot plants- are green." She looked back up to that huge tower, its columns and perfect design, symmetrical and gleaming in the light that bathed itself around the area and warmed everything. Despite that, Allen still felt chilled to the bone, possibly even all the way to her bone marrow; yet still that lapping sense of comfort ebbed away her poisons, deposited them into the ground. She could imagine it, roots spreading from her feet and into the soil, all of her troubles and problems moving through the roots and being emptied into the earth to fade away.

She shook her head slightly, white bangs falling over her face and tickling her, Allen staring up at the tower and she pushed them out of the road with her fingers. "There's this tower, sir. Right in the middle… At least, I think it's the middle." With a start Allen realized that despite her intrigue and curiosity her voice still managed to fall flat and became monotonous as the words left her lips. So it had worked. A shadow cast itself over her face and eyes as she clicked. She had severed her emotions, and it was unlikely she would ever fully get them back at this rate. And, the things that should've surprised her but didn't, she liked it. She liked having no emotion. She was stronger now. Even if she melted and fell apart within, she could still stand and still fight. That was all she needed. That was her duty as an Exorcist. Allen Walker herself was a weapon for the Order to use to achieve their goal.

"The tower…?" Komui coaxed, and Allen could imagine his eyes narrowed and leaning forward as he listened intently to her, motioning with his hands as though she could see it, before folding his hands and placing them back under his chin as he thought.

"Ah, right, tower." Allen tucked down her chin a little, the edges of her high collar poking into her jawline, but not so much that she couldn't bear it, golden earring jingling. "It's got a lot of columns, and it's well organized, symmetrical… I would draw it for you, but I haven't got anything to draw with, and we both know I can't draw well at all." Allen forced a chuckle through gritted teeth, knowing well that Komui had a full understanding of how fake the action was.

"It's okay, Allen," Komui's voice took on a serious yet jovial tone all at once, as though he were excited by something dangerous. "We're going to test the Ark Gates as well."

Allen's eyes widened fractionally, before she cast her gaze down to the ground, watching her booted feet as she took step after step, shoes clicking on the ground.

_Never stop._

_Keep walking. _

Wasn't she doing just that?

Allen let out a brief, low sigh. She kept looking around this strange, unfamiliar place, feeling like she knew it all, that she'd seen it all before… How could a place feel so warm, yet so very _cold? _It was nostalgic to be here. She didn't like it. It frightened her, but it wasn't like she'd admit it to anyone but herself.

She continued to walk, looking around, before speaking to Komui. "Can I look around?"

"Sure. Just don't get lost, okay?" Komui's voice was light and uplifting- well, it would've been had Allen wanted to be uplifted. Now that tone of voice seemed to just get on her nerves, make her spine tingle and throat swell with rage. It was like they were mocking her; _I can be happy, but you can't. God made us happy, but he hates you, so you have to drown in your own misery. _

In that moment Allen was taken back to her vision, dream, death; whatever it was. The red sky, the black moon, the way the whole area was illuminated with an eerie glow and the water was dark, and how she had crouched at the edge and looked into that water…

Wait, why hadn't she remembered this before?! She shut her eyes as the scene played out on the mental screen behind her eyelids, showing her something she'd never seen before.

_She crouched on the very edge of the blocks that expanded out a little way into the dark lake, looking down. Her figure was weird, not lifelike, her body shifting and eyes replaced with odd swirls, as though she was drawn messily rather than alive. _This, _she thought, _is death. And it doesn't surprise me that I'm here. Because this, it seems, is hell. _She continued to stare down at the water, stare as it faded and was replaced with a picture, however that was possible. But what was she thinking? She was probably dead. Tyki had killed her. The rules of real life just didn't seem to apply anymore._

_Tears dropped into the water as she thought about all that had happened, as well as the scene playing out before her. It was Lenalee…_

This part Allen could remember. Lenalee, hunched over her dead body, crying. She kept her eyes calmly closed, tears running down her pale cheeks without her even knowing it or making any move or sound to signify it.

_She watched Lenalee cry over her dead body, pigtails flowing in the light breeze and the image rippling as Allen's desperate tears hit the water. She almost wondered if in her death she could cry on the outside as well, or if she was just stuck here in this abyss of ruins and black to relive this again and again, reminded of everything she ever did wrong. When yet another teardrop hit the water it rippled again, clearing to a murky grey-blue, revealing a dark figure that lurked in the water rather than Allen's reflection. _

_Call it impulse, call it stupidity; but something about that dark figure made Allen reach towards it, telling herself she was sure it was only her reflection, while another part of her begged to be sure. She noticed that she was no longer like a drawn figure, she was human, flesh and bones and hot blood. The figure copied her movements just like a mirror- just like the reflection it was. Allen reached closer, her shaking fingers and the reflections nearly touching, even though they physically couldn't. _

_Mistaken. She was mistaken. The rules of reality did not apply, and she should've remembered that before reaching down. _

_Just as her fingers skimmed the water the reflection broke the surface, Allen's eyes widening as dark fingers gripped her wrist and tried to pull her forward, Allen yanking back in fright and despondency, able to keep herself from being pulled off of the edge of her perch but unable to get the hand off of her arm. The dark fingers tightened, and she stared down at the 'water' in horror, seeing that it had cracked as though it were glass or something breakable and the dark hand was attached to an arm, and then a shoulder, and then a person… figure… thing… _

_But Allen Walker could not mistake that smile, oh no, not even if she tried. White eyes stared up at her, slightly changed in shape at the bottom as though it were smiling and its cheeks had risen with its lips, lips that smiled in the most grotesque and familiar fashion. The smile was curved up, up into the cheeks, past human proportion, but not past the proportion of a…_

_Noah…_

_She and the figure both stared at each other; she in revulsion and the figure in utter delight, gleeful over something Allen didn't know. It's mouth moved as though it was trying to speak, and a blinding pain filled Allen's head and seared a burning line across her brow, making her gasp and pull back fiercely, freeing her arm and clutching her head, kneeling before the water and bending her back so she was just a hunched figure. A blaring noise filled her head, but at the same time it wasn't a noise at all. _

**_"...?!..."_**

_"No…" she grit out, jaw clenched and fingernails digging into her temples, so harshly it drew blood. "No, no, no, NO!" She didn't even know why she was screaming, but she was, because something was terribly wrong._

**_"...You'r-...Noa-...!...?!..."_**

_Allen stared down at the figure, its smile having turned into a frown, its hand reaching up for her, her pain-filled eyes widening just a fraction and she moved back away from the water. Actually, _threw _herself away from the water would be a better way to put it. She knew what this was. It registered somewhere in her mind. This was bad. Bad. Bad. Bad. _

_"NOOOO!"_

Allen snapped out of her daze and her eyes flew open, wide in horror, her pupils shrinking as light flooded her eyes and dismay wracked over her fragile-seeming body. No… No, that couldn't be right… A dream didn't mean… Surely? It wasn't true, right? Distress filled her system, and the tears that had been leaking from her eyes had abruptly stopped, her hand shaking and curling into a fist on her chest, as though that would somehow draw out the pain nestling there and lodging between her ribs like thick goo. She didn't even care that the Tease had landed on her shoulder and simply sat there, wings opening and closing slowly, lazily.

Allen shook her head vigorously, the Tease nearly being thrown off of her shoulder by the motion, her hair and earring swaying and flying around her head with the movement. She was not. It wasn't true.

"Allen?" Komui's voice calmed her down a little, making her slowly even out her breathing, concentrating on the rise and fall of her chest. _Slow and steady, okay? Slow and steady. _

"Yes, Komui, I'm okay." She dropped her hand away from her chest, forcing her fingers to uncurl from their tight fist, standing straight and rolling back her shoulders. "I'm done looking. I've got to get to Edo. To the others. Now." Without waiting for a reply she turned and ran, following the brief instructions both Bak and Komui had drilled into her.

She knew well that another scene of horror would face her in just moments to come.

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**DUN DUN DUN~ Anyways, I really hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I'm sorry about the wait. I know I took a very long hiatus and my last chapter was short, but hopefully this one is at least a little decent. I didn't exactly put my best work into it, but hopefully the results were good enough as they were.**

**And yeah, I'm going off the plot a bit, but that's what these stories are right? We tailor it to fit out needs, while still keeping it in line and according to the story. I AM going to have Edo Arc and Noah's Ark Arc, but where it could go from there, not even I know. And now that I've got my laptop back it should be a lot easier to get chapters out (if I stop procrastinating) and keep you guys happy. Again, so sorry about that break, but even without the broken laptop I had a lot to keep up with and I just couldn't do this. I know it's annoying having to wait but I do have a life outside of FanFiction, and you guys just have to live with it (I'm sorry if that sounds mean). **

**Also, no prizes for guessing what Allen's flashback thing is. I made it as obvious as possible without straight up saying what it was. I think it's obvious enough. **

**Anyways, please follow and favorite if you haven't already, and if you have PLEASE drop a review, because it makes me the happiest person on earth to see that's I've gotten a ton of new reviews when I open my mail. Even if it's just one word, I want EVERY SINGLE ON OF YOU to post something in the reviews. I dare you~!**

**Bye-Bye~**

**CryDon'tSmile**


	13. Author's Note

**Hello My Dears~**

**Look, I'm going to continue this story for the sake of it... but I really don't like it that much anymore. The flow is wrong, it's boring, I could go on and on forever about what's wrong with it. I'll keep trying to write chapters, but I don't know how that'll go for me... Um.. Yeah, sorry about this being an Author's Note, but I have a plan, one you may not like but I feel is necessary: **

**After a while, I'm going to discontinue this story. Currently I am making a REWRITE, as I did with This Secret Of Ours. Once the rewrite has a few chapters ready to be posted I'll put it up and continue on that one, while leaving this one idle. I know it's probably bothersome, but I just don't like this. It literally makes me cringe when I think about it. I appreciate all of you, the readers, followers, all of that, and I'm sorry... But, in my eyes, this story- to be blunt- is sh!t. I'm just having a bit of trouble writing lately, and I do apologize for that, but I hope you can understand that it's really not easy for me. I don't want to complain too much, so I'll end it there. **

**So yeah, please check out my profile and other stories, I'd really appreciate that.**

**Bye-Bye~**

**CryDon'tSmile**


	14. THERE'S A REWRITE

**HIYA~**

**So, on a good note for once, the REWRITE for this story is up and running~ I like it more, although the first chapter might get a bit boring, hehe... I'm trying to write longer chapters for it and fit it together better, so we'll see how it all goes in the new story, yeah? I know this might be a bother, and it just messes everything up and all of that, but... I just needed a fresh start. Now that I've started the writing again, with more experience and a better understanding of how to portray what I'm writing, it makes it a lot more enjoyable for me than continuing an old story that just... Doesn't work. Nevertheless, I am SO SO thankful for all of you who review and favourite and follow this story, it really means a lot to me. I just hope that you'll also like the rewrite for this story as well, since I'll be putting quite a bit of work into it. The rewrite is very likely follow the same flow as this story, and will have the same ending as planned for this one. Since there will be no "until next time" (it's sad...) for this story, I guess I'll just have to hope you transfer over to my new story, and maybe check out some of the other ones.**

**Bye-Bye~**

**CryDon'tSmile**


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